One day... maybe KB and Ben will look at this post and understand about life events and how to handle them...
Being at the beach, I watched the waves crash against people, the shells, the rocks, and the sand... I realized that life resembles the ocean in many ways.... we are all part of a big ocean... and waves come and go.... there are storms that cause big waves... and then on some days the waves aren't that big and don't really cause a concern... in that big ocean are killer whales, big sharks, little sharks, and shrimp... which I love! I think of all these creatures as the people in my life... yeah... life isn't perfect... but I tend to stay away from those subjects... For the past few months I have been very reserved with my writing because I am afraid of being told again that people say things about my blog and it hurts my feelings... they are the killer whales... but then... I have a note from someone, or a comment in the grocery store, or message from someone I didn't know even cared about me.... and I realize that what I write might be something someone else is struggling with and it will help them... I believe in God's timing 100%... there is never anything unexpected...it is all planned to the nth degree.... As I thought about all those metaphors with life and the ocean... and how I wanted to take my computer down to the water and just write.... I didn't... because I was afraid of what people might say.... I read my devotion yesterday morning... and I knew I would take that guard down for a little bit....
Most mornings when I get up....the first thing I do is read my devotional app... I love it... it comes through at 7 AM...it's a quick verse... and a few sentences to explain...or words of wisdom...it's amazing the timing of these devotions... they are incredible.... Yesterday morning... it was titled "Complete Honesty".... Pslam 32:2 says, "Yes, what joy for those whose record the Lord has cleared of guilt, whose lives are lived in complete honesty. ".... Part of being guilt free...is being honest... It was suggested that sharing my struggles with others will in turn let them see how Jesus gives me strength in dealing with things. So... my struggles... well... there are a lot... one, that keeps coming up in my life...and has since I was little... is my inability to forgive those who hurt me.... I have asked God to help me many times get over it... I've even said the old childhood, "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me!"... Well... that ain't true! It's been several situations in my life that I have literally said to myself that I will never speak to "such and such" again because of something they said, something they did, or something they didn't do...All the while... I knew it was wrong that I felt that way.... those killer sharks were getting the best of me... my insides were miserable while I looked as happy as could be... but I really wasn't...So.... as I sat on the beach... I thought it would be appropriate to share my biggest struggle... being nice to those who have done me wrong.... I'm happy to say that I am getting over that... and truly.... Following what the Bible says is the only way to get over it.... I laugh now... literally smile inside and out when I think about the joy I feel when I can speak to people.... Mama has always told me I had a way about myself that people knew immediately if I liked them or not because I didn't put up with their foolishness.... I would smile... but they would know I didn't like them... I am doing so much better... I'm smiling... I'm speaking... I'm even showing a little care and concern... I changed my thoughts of "ugh....can't stand them"... to "gosh, they need to see that I'm strong in my faith and I can weather any storm...even if they caused the waves".....
I decided yesterday that I would write when I got home today about my struggle... or biggest struggle... and then... today... 1 Timothy 4:16 was my devotion.... "Keep a close watch on how you live and on your teaching. Stay true to what is right for the sake of your own salvation and the salvation of those who hear you." so I'm making a point now to speak to those who hurt me... being nice is so much better for me... for my sanity... and most of all my witness... smile through those pains, those hurts, those feelings of knowing that when I walk away they are going to have to say... "humph.... she is different".... and for KB and Ben.... when someone hurts your feelings... it's true... Killing them with kindness makes you feel a lot better! Those words, or actions that hurt you... become like the sand castles... they was away....
Romans 12:2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is- his good, pleasing and perfect will. Yep... this was my "Jesus Calling" devotion for Wednesday.... So... I'm thinking this verifies my thoughts about not conforming any longer... while my feelings might be hurt at first, I think of the quote "Doing what is right isn't always easy, but it's always right!".... I know that being a good example for my children, and being a major part of their lives is right... is it easy... nope.... it would be so much easier to fill their time with things other than being with us....I watched this week... laughs.... giggling.... smiles... and my heart was warmed.... and I knew... being with them as much as I can... as a family... that's what is important!
And finally, Ben just came home from the lake and saw me with my Bible looking up these verses... and he said..."Mama, my favorite verse is Psalm 62:2... Look it up!".... I did... and this is what I saw... " He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken".... It makes a mama proud that a little ten year old little boy can know how important that verse is... I think it was a Godwink... His perfect timing lets me know that doing what I am doing is right... yes, I know I have lots of waves coming from that big ocean out there... and there will always be killer sharks who eat away at me... but using Him as my fortress will always keep me safe.
Tomorrow... I wake up to my 18th anniversary.... I really thought when I married Mark I couldn't love him any more than I did on July 13, 1996 .... he drives me crazy about fourteen times a day.... he picks on me... but he leads me in the right direction.... he makes dreams come true... but most of all... I know he loves me. This past year we have become closer than I ever imagined... If I could go back and start all over... I wouldn't... we have learned so much... we needed that time...we have changed... whether anyone else sees that or not...I don't know, but I'm happy... and I know that the happiness I experience now is because he has been relying on those Godwinks, those devotions, and those metaphors that we are both seeing! He is "graciously" allowing me to go back to work full time... He said I was working full time...I may as well get paid for it.... I start back Monday.... our lives will be different... I have lots of prayer requests for this upcoming year... for happiness for lots of people... for dreams to come true... and for those who can't find their own happiness... I hope they see that spending a little time with Jesus EVERY day.... it does a heart good!
Sis and Boo... don't let others still your joy... your happiness...or your good mood... speak to them... and move on!
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