Tuesday, September 21, 2021

One Year




 Mark has told me for years the days and moments leading up to an event are much more stressful than the actual event itself.  The things we sit and dread in life that cause us to worry, have anxiety, and make a pit in our stomachs are not nearly as bad as we imagine them to be when they really happen.  Tomorrow is a day I have been dreading for a year.  I hope Mark is right!  

I have had writer's block the last year and chosen not to write because I knew this post needed to be written before anything else.  It's my therapy, it's raw, it's real... and some may say "much"... but hey... that's me and that's our family... much!  I am not sharing everything yet... one day I will... but right now I want to just recap the week of when a small town embraced our family and loved on us through this awful incident.  

I was standing in Walmart when I took the picture above.  Guille called me and I thought he was playing a terrible trick on me.  He told me there had been an accident and I didn't believe him.  The first thing I did was check Snapchat.  Cole didn't know I had him on my radar, but I did.  I knew where he was at every minute of the day.  My heart dropped when I saw his little figure and I kept thinking it wasn't true.  I keep this image on my phone now... I like to think it's reversed from what it used to be.  I was watching over him and all the many places he was going and he had no clue.  Today I hope he is watching over me and making sure I'm doing right!  

I left my box of Smuckers Uncrustables in my buggy and ran out of Walmart.  I was so disoriented I drove around Greenville and couldn't find my way home.  I missed turns, couldn't find my house, and just stared into space.  How in the world could this have happened.  The first call I made was to my superintendent and he quickly had people making sure I was okay.  I have no doubt I have been placed where I am for a purpose.  I work with an amazing group of people who treat me so well, take care of me, and make me feel special to them.  Their thoughtfulness, kindness, and encouragement during this past year has been nothing short of amazing.  I remember telling them I was missing my turn and couldn't find my way back... I now know I probably shouldn't have been driving.  

After I called KB and told her to come to Jane's, got Ben taken care of by best friends here, and packed some clothes... we headed to Lincolnton.  The next days were incredible... yes, a death can be described as that.  The love, support, comfort of our small town embracing us was incredible.  

I checked on Mama first and then headed to see Jim and Janice.  Those first moments were nothing that I had imagined in the two hour drive home.  I had pictured emotional parents who were irate, angry, and upset beyond anything imaginable.  When I walked in their house, Janice was sitting in a chair with her head down... I leaned down beside her and said, "I'm here".... she hugged my neck and said, "I can't do this by myself... I need you to help me!"... I told her this sucked... it wasn't fair... and I was so sorry... She responded with "Britt, there's a purpose in this... God wouldn't take my baby boy without something good coming from this".... at that moment I knew the next days would be hard, but I also knew I was dealing with someone who knew God, knew His plans were for His good, and knew we would get through this!  

There were people everywhere and I don't really remember anything else that night except the look of fear on my mama's face.  It's hard to watch someone hurting so bad.  I heard her say I always wanted to make sure I didn't have to watch one of my children die, but I never dreamed I'd have to watch a grandchild die.  In all honesty, there weren't enough arms and hands to take care of the mama and the grandmother who were grieving.  I tried my best to go between both places, but I also knew I had a big brother who was trying so hard to stay strong.  

The next morning I woke up early to the sound of our former high school football coach with biscuits for breakfast.  He will come back later in my story, but that's how small towns do it... people bring breakfast during sad times and 6:00 AM isn't too early!  

The first thing we did the day after the crash was go to the site.  The FAA was there, law enforcement, and a few friends.  We watched as they pulled the plane out of the pond, took items that were in the water out and bagged them, and listened to the many theories of why this happened.  I'll go ahead and say we aren't sure what happened... and we probably never will.... one day I'll get Jim to tell me the story again because he was there and saw most of it... heard it all... I often just sit and stare and wonder how he makes it day by day.  He is so strong.  One weekend shortly after the accident he told me that he was going to get through this because he knew he would see Cole again... he said I might live for another 20 years and I'll see him.  Just a few weekends ago he told me Cole was better off than any of us.  He is so right.  Isn't life crazy... we try to console and comfort those who have lost someone and it's us being the one who is helped. 

The next video is the newscast that was aired.  It didn't take long for Cole's story to cross the southeast.  Three months after the accident, we were in a golf tournament in Orlando and a girl recognized us and the story.  She said she had been following it since it happened.  

I have often seen people be interviewed after a tragic event and I started to decline talking to them, but I wanted others to know how wonderful this 24 year old boy was.  He had just graduated from college, he was living the dream life with a dream job, and he was always the life of the party.  He was my nephew and I loved everything about him... his personality, his little devilish side, and most of all his smile.  He often teased me and called me a party pooper because I wouldn't go along with his crazy ideas... he would get mad when I would make him sit at Mama's and write a paper... he always thought I was going to write it... I never did!  He tried his best to make my children do things to get on my nerves!  He succeeded quite often. There aren't many weeks that go by I don't say something about him  and how much he would enjoy what KB or Ben are doing. He knew I was here for him... and he knew he could call me if he needed something!

 https://www.wjbf.com/top-stories/lincolnton-community-in-shock-after-young-pilots-death/


The next days were spent planning and preparing for the funeral.  The amount of food and generosity of the community was simply breath taking and overwhelming.  Every time we turned around we had a few more people helping.  For those who don't know... Janice likes things done right.  In the midst of all the planning, we knew we had to have the perfect backdrop for the celebration of Cole's life.  While Janice might not remember a thing about that day, we do know that Cole was probably laughing and getting a kick out of all his friends finally helping out at the farm!  He often teased and said he did all the work while his friends had fun!  They earned their keep those days getting the farm ready!  

















Honestly, these boys were hurting and needed something to do to help the pain... working was what they chose.  They are good boys!  They love each other, they love helping others, and they love Cole's Farm. 














One of my favorite pictures... This man was a precious soul... I can't talk about what all he did, but he has a special star in his crown.  He has been a friend of the family since Cole and Julianne were little!  He would do anything for either of them!  Janice needed this hug so bad.... she had struggled that day talking, but she was able to get to him and thank him.  
Friday night football in Lincolnton is a big thing... Coach Campbell called me and told me he wanted to lower the flag and pay a special tribute to Cole at the game.  He asked me to ride over and help him with what to say.... As I drove in his driveway I cried hard for the first time.  He let me sit and cry on his back porch and gave me a little time to gather myself.  We talked about my daddy, we talked about Cole, and we talked about life.  I wrote a few things for him to say... and I felt much better after that good cry.  I didn't realize until that point I hadn't let my emotions out.... Later that night I knew watching would be hard, but I never dreamed how hard it was to stand and watch Janice honoring her baby boy as they played the National Anthem.  As I listened to Coach Campbell read about Cole and hearing his voice crack... I was so thankful for being from a small town... where people love hard and do everything they can to help out families who hurt.  



We watched the game from the box that night... 
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Cole's friends dug his resting place... they each took turns preparing the plot.  I missed a great speech by Jim during this time, but he shared with the boys how important it was to have a good relationship with their daddies and one day with their children.  He said he talked to Cole every day... Cole knew he was loved... and I can't think of better words of advice than this... 
I haven't talked much about how special Cole was to my children.  In fact, all of Mama's grandchildren looked up to him and wanted to be around him.  I knew I wanted each of them to be a part of the funeral and decided they should escort him across the pond dam.  (pictures later)  Ben was scheduled for a tournament on Saturday and Sunday and I insisted he go and participate.  Cole would have wanted him to keep playing.  Without any direction but his own... he wrote this on his shoes... and he wore his hat.  Things like this make my heart hurt all over again... 




Katie Britt even dressed in Georgia clothes all weekend... only for Cole though!  
By Saturday, I was completely exhausted and needed some time at Mama's.  Fran came over and sat on the bed with me and talked and talked... I remember thinking how thankful I was for people coming at just the right time.  She stayed and visited for hours and we laughed and probably gossiped a little too! 
After I rested, I headed back out to the farm... this picture above is one that Jim and I just shook our heads and really thought "this can't be happening".... many people don't know this... but I'll share with you now... my daddy is buried under that bench with his name on it at farm... KB and Ju decided Daddy would want to be at the funeral... so that night... Daddy was no longer resting in peace... Jack dug his box up... and KB and Ju would carry it the next day to the funeral.  At one point Preacher John thought it was a box of Kleenex... he didn't know it was Butch.  He is back in his resting place now, and I'm glad this was a little family secret no one knew about until after it was over! 



The Beggs family had the horse drawn hearse for Cole's casket to be carried in brought to the farm... KB and Ju don't have sisters, but they grew closer during this time and it's a good thing that has come from this event. 


This was just the desserts....in the kitchen... the dining room table was also filled with sweets.  At this point, I am hoping I have written all the thank you notes... there is nothing tackier in Mama's eyes than for a handwritten note not to be sent after someone brings you food.... please let me know if we missed you!  This is also the last place I remember seeing Richard Goolsby... he brought us delicious food... he walked around with his hands in his pockets and turned to me and said, "I need to tell y'all something... but I can't right now"... I'll always wonder what he wanted to say about Cole... as he walked out with tears in his eyes... I didn't know I would never speak to him again.  

Long nights at the farm and early morning wake up calls were hard on Sis!
The Baptist Church fed us a delicious lunch... 
The next pictures of the day of the funeral are a blogpost on their own... one day I'll write about those things... one day I'll show the wonderful pictures Mercer Harris captured of the private funeral, the service, and the friends and family gathering after the funeral... it's not time though... 
At the end of the runway we had all Cole's toys propped up for view... he would have loved it.... I understand his favorite was that big Georgia speaker in the back of his truck... my favorite is the Corvette!  
The flowers, the wreaths, the casket spray were all beautiful... it made a pretty place even better!






The next picture is as real as it gets... it's Jim... a man who worked hard all week... spoke to a 1000 people... tried to comfort a grieving mother and daughter... and hold it together to get through the funeral.  He was my hero!  He had done what I don't think I could have ever done... he had buried a child and he is still smiling, laughing and living life.  As I sit sometimes and ponder silly things... I think of him and all he has endured.  If he can smile... we can all smile!   I can't help but think God has placed His hand on him and leads him daily to put one foot in front of the other... I just don't think there is any other way than leaning on Him.  I just got off the phone with Janice and through her tears she is also so strong... she laughs... she cries... she gives me strength.  


Tonight as I close my eyes... I'll think of how precious Cole's life was... my prayer is one person's life is better because they realized they needed to change, grow closer to God, and walk the walk of a Christian lifestyle through this tragedy.  I know something good will come from this.  For years to come we will remember him.  

Pray for Jim, Janice, and Julianne tomorrow if you have a minute... Pray for my mama and our families... Let us rejoice in the time we had with Cole and remember that big beautiful smile with the chocolate pie eyes!  I have no doubt Butchie was waiting on him and told him to come on and let me show what's going on here....   I remind myself daily they wouldn't come back if they could... I miss them both... but I am assured I will see them again! 




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