You are NOT the Father!

I don't think any men read this blog... except for Mark who loves to correct my spelling and word murdering, but feel free to share this week... I may have a word or two for the men! 

How many countless, wasteful hours have I wasted watching Maury claim who is and isn't the father of the baby?  Thank goodness I have my own children now and can't find the time to sit down to watch these shows... even though they are complete entertainment... they also make me realize how lucky I am to not be in that situation.... or at least that is what I told myself when I used to watch them.

This week I'll focus on Joseph... our next important character in the Nativity Scene.  In Matthew 1:18-25, Joseph is introduced to the Christmas story when an angel appears to him and tells him not to follow through with his plan to quietly divorce his soon to be wife who is pregnant.... and he is NOT the father! 

Joseph listened to his gut, or as I call it the Holy Spirit" and did what was right... he didn't divorce Mary quietly... he stayed with her.  I can only imagine the gossip of the town when everyone "thought" Mary was cheating on him.  I'm sure there were those who went to their grave doubting what Mary was saying.  As a preacher once shared in his sermon... Joseph faced a bad dilemma, he received a bold declaration, and he made a brave decision. 

I want to talk about that brave decision.  How many times have men wimped out and worried about what their friends thought... or worried they would look weak... or worried that they wouldn't be included if they made the right decision... and who am I kidding?  Women are the say way.  Brave decisions take a lot of strength, courage, and for me, prayer. 

Mark made a decision many years ago to change his lifestyle.  He wanted to be different.  He wanted to quit living on the fence.  He changed.... and it took me a few years to get in the boat and travel with him, but I decided I might better use him as a life raft.  I think Joseph was like that for Mary.  He was a source of strength for her.... Of course God knew how the story would end up... but what if Joseph hadn't been brave and done the right thing... what if Joseph left her stranded.... what if Joseph hadn't been brave enough to enter into a world that would cause judgment from friends, questions from everyone, and even a time that he would know he wasn't the blood father of a baby being born.  Whatever you might be going through... the answer is in the Bible... You can find comfort in scripture that gives the ins and outs of life. 

Characters in the Bible are used to show us that God uses tough situations to make a difference in our lives.  We all have choices to make... during those tough times we can choose to do the right thing... which may not be the easiest... or we can choose to do what the world would want us to do.  When you look at Joseph in your Nativity Scene... think about a man who did the right thing... he didn't worry about the world and what they would think... he didn't leave Mary stranded with a baby... and he didn't take the easy road out.  Think about the ideal man who sacrificed for his soon to wife... and I picture him loving his wife just as Christ loved the church.  And yes, that's from the Bible. 

Who Did You Tell the Secret to First?

First of all, this is NOT one of my ultrasound pictures.  I'm just sitting down from cleaning the house and getting myself organized for the Clemson game/ Thanksgiving activities this weekend.  I have to work Monday and Tuesday, so I am trying to get ahead a little before the mad rush begins.  I would get up and dig out the ultrasound, but once I sit down... that's it! 

As I spend the last day focusing on Mary, I can't help but focus on her relationship with her confidant... her friend... her cousin... Elizabeth.  Never really studying the before and after of Luke 2 (The Christmas Story), I learned a few years ago the importance of Elizabeth to the story.  How could I miss this part for so many years? 

Zechariah and Elizabeth were childless.  Zechariah served in the temple to make sure there was continuous burning of incense while worshipers were outside praying.  When he was alone in the temple, an angel appeared and startled him.  The angel told of his son, John, to be born... he would never drink wine... he would be filled with the Holy Spirit before he was born... he would go before the Lord and turn the hearts of parents to their children and the disobedient to the wisdom of righteous... he would make ready a people prepared for the Lord.  

Now Zechariah doubted this angel... (I would have too!)... But Gabriel tells him he was sent to tell the good news, and now because Zechariah doubted Gabriel... Zechariah would be silenced until the birth of the baby.  (This frightens me just a little... what if I don't listen to what God says and he tells me to be quiet.... I LOVE to talk).  

When Zechariah came out of the temple, he couldn't speak and people realized something happened.  Elizabeth became pregnant and her "disgrace" was taken away.  (Isn't it a shame that we look at women who can't have babies disgraceful?)  

In the sixth month of Elizabeth's pregnancy, Gabriel visited Mary... she was troubled by his words to her. Gabriel also told her about Elizabeth being pregnant.  

Mary quickly got ready and went to Judea to tell Elizabeth of her visit from the angel... Elizabeth's baby leaped in her womb when she heard Mary's voice.  


I never got to have an exciting time to tell about my pregnancies... with Katie Britt, I started spotting early after I chased a student down the hallway when he knocked on my door...I guess I forgot I was pregnant.... I was sicker than sick and Donna, our school secretary, called Mama to tell her I was pregnant.  Shortly after, I had a chicken casserole at my door from Kathryn.  Don't you love that people bring food when you are sick?   I bet they did that in Mary's time too! 

With Ben, 8 weeks into the pregnancy I had a gallbladder attack.  I had been hurting all night long... I thought I was having a miscarriage... dumb me went to work anyway.  As soon as I got there, I pulled three desks together to lay across and Staci entered the room.  I was hurting and in pain and she immediately said, "You are pregnant!"... I told her I was, but she was going to have to drive me to the doctor.  I think Ben attached to her from that point to now! 

As we start this Christmas season, I hope you have a friend.  I've been lucky in life... I have different groups... I keep in touch with my high school friends through a group message.  We often pray for each other... always have smart comments about stupid things we did (and possibly still do)... and we have been pillars of strength during the death of our parents.  I'm lucky in that my high school friends are also my college friends.  We decided we needed to stay together after high school!  After I moved to Greenville, I have my friends here that I'm so lucky to be able to reach out to at any minute if I need them.  We don't see each other often, but we know the other is there if we need them.  They have also been a source of wisdom for me as I dealt with Daddy's death.  I know what true friendship is now... it took me years, but I know the relationship that Elizabeth and Mary had... true friendship is about being around people who build you up and are happy for you... and about loving your children like they love theirs... and being there in the good times and bad times... and most of all, encouraging you when you need it! 

This statement is SO TRUE:

Mary is such an important part of the Christmas story... she followed God's lead and is still remembered today for her loyalty to God's direction... she was a good mother, a follower of her Son where ever he went, a faithful wife, and a good friend.  Focus on what you can do to be better in each of these areas.  Is there someone who is hurting this Christmas season because they don't have a friend, can't have children, have lost a parent, have an incurable sickness, and the list goes on and on.  I hope that I can do something for someone else this Christmas season that allows them to see Jesus in my heart... what a wonderful way to spread His love... by doing something for someone else. 

My Mary is named Jane....

My Mary... My Jane

There is no doubt how much Mary loved Jesus.  She was a part of his miracle birth, watched him grow into a fine young man, was there when he performed his first miracle (with his mother's encouragement of course), and was there at his death.  I can think of no other role model for mothers besides Mary. 

I'm not bragging... just telling a few facts... Mama had a heart for making her children be something.  Although Jim and I could never measure up to the perfection of that middle child of hers, she was determined that all three of us would graduate from college and be able to support ourselves.  Jim and I took a little extra time and enjoyed ourselves... and through her determination and pushing us... we graduated!  She also played an integral part in our spouses.  While there was no doubt that Jim's "neighbor" was more than a neighbor... Mama thought she was wonderful.  Guille's friend who kept flooding the bathroom was also a perfect fit for him... She could see the love he had for her immediately.  And Mark... she knew he was smart and would take care of me.... What people don't know is what went on behind the scenes... she didn't let us date everyone we wanted... she and Daddy put their foot down and said no!  They didn't care if it might make us want to date someone more if they said no..... She was known to forget to tell Jim and Guille about girls who would call them... girls shouldn't call boys.  She was also known to tell me quite often that I needed to quit chasing "such and such" because he didn't like me.  The fact is she didn't like him!  Thank goodness for Mama's intuition.  Mama has also been there for us when we needed strength and prayers to get through situations. 

When I picture the love that Mary had for Jesus... I picture the love that my mama has for me.  That little girl in the middle is really lucky.... she gets to be raised just like I was.... she isn't out at all hours of the night like I was, but she definitely has been told to leave certain boys alone, that she WILL graduate from college and be able to support herself, and that I will be here for her no matter what she does to disappoint or thrill me.  I'm her mama and that love will never go away.  I hope one day she will call me every morning on her way to work to check on me... she will invite me to stay at her house for the weekend... and she will think going to church is just as important as I do.

Some people are spending their first Christmas without their mama.... or maybe their fifth or sixth.... and some may not know their mama at all.... but for those of you who have a great, good, or could be better relationship.... this Christmas.... open your heart to spend a little extra time with the one who brought you into the world.  Think of the love that Mary had for Jesus.... your mama loves you too... no matter what you have done.  For those who don't have their mama... just remember the good times... and smile... pass on the traits she left you with... and think of her as you look at your nativity. 

Dorothy, Dorothy... where are you?

When Katie Britt was about four I took her shopping at the mall with Mama.  We were in Belk and I looked at the stroller and she was gone... At first I just thought she was with Mama over at another rack of clothes, but as Mama came towards me... I could tell she wasn't there... My heart dropped and I screamed Katie Britt's name over and over... no answer.  I was yelling at Mama... she was yelling at me... we both took our eyes off of her and she was gone...

I couldn't understand why she wouldn't answer me and I couldn't understand how she had gotten away from me... As I stood there, I began to go into survival mode and the thought struck me that she might be imitating her favorite character.... She watched The Wizard of Oz every morning on the way to the daycare.... keep in mind she only watched the first fifteen/twenty minutes every day.... she would never start where she stopped... we had to start over.  She would tell me every day.... "Here she comes Mama... "Elvira Gutch".... Go Dorothy, Go..... AND THEN IT CLICKED.....

I turned back to her stroller and said, "Dorothy.... where are youuuuuu?".... and she peeped her head out of the clothes rack that was right beside me and the stroller and said, "I'm right here Mama!"... I could have killed her... but I didn't.... I picked her up and told her how much I loved her and to please always answer to KB... and we would play Dorothy at home.  She didn't know the fear that was in my heart that day.  I hope another mother can comment and let me know you have had your children do the same thing to you!  But... she was right there the entire time. Right beside... if only I had called out to the right person! 

Luke 2: 41-52 tells of when Jesus' parents went to Jerusalem every year for the Festival of the Passover.  When they were returning home, Jesus had stayed behind without them knowing it.  Traveling in a crowd, they didn't realize he was missing... they found him after three days in the temple courts sitting with teachers listening to them and asking them questions.  Everyone was amazed with his answers... and his mother asked why he stayed back without them knowing... and they were anxiously searching for him.  Jesus wanted to know why they were looking for him because "Didn't you know I had to be in my Father's house?"... they didn't understand it at the time. 

How many times do we not understand what our children are doing?  How many times as a parent do we question what our children are doing and think we know the best thing?  How many times are we so frustrated with our children that we miss an opportunity to allow them to grow.  How many times do we miss our children?

I will never excuse KB for not answering me when I called her, but I will look to that situation as a learning experience on my part and hers.  We never think "that" will happen to us.  But... it does.  Just like Mary and Joseph lost Jesus... I've lost KB before... and I lost Ben once in Philadelphia, but it was his fault... not mine!  HA!  We all get "lost" sometimes, but just like I grabbed KB that day and hugged her and didn't want to let her go... I'm sure Mary and Joseph did the same thing.  I can picture them wanting to beat Jesus with a stick for staying behind, but I also know they probably just hugged and kissed him!  The best lesson of this... God grabs us back whenever we call on Him.... and hugs us and gives us comfort. 

Today... is God calling you... looking for you... wondering where you are?  Have you been gone from him for a minute like KB... or for days like Jesus was missing from his parents... or have you been gone from His love for a long time.... Have you ever met him?  Have you heard from Jesus... are you missing from Him? 

Jesus wants you to meet with him every day... he wants to know where you are... he wants to know your "Life 360" location.... He is waiting each morning on you to meet with him... wherever that may be.  If you are wondering what you can do... just sit down and talk to him... He is there.  Answer him when he calls... and don't be like "Dorothy"! 

I'd love to invite my readers to be a part of a quick, 5 minute devotional that I can you to.... it's free... all you need is a phone to download apps!  As we prepare our hearts for the Christmas season... I hope you can spend at least 5 minutes with Jesus each morning.  Send me a message through Facebook and I'll add you to group. 

Don't miss it... even if the end result is something bad!

Just a child herself, Mary knew that Jesus was special and she had an important job.  As an infant Mary followed customs and took Jesus to the temple to present him to the Lord.  She was there when he was dedicated to God... this was to be a happy time... when Jesus was dedicated.  I think back to my children's baptism and I was so proud... but as we continue reading in Luke 2:33-35, Simeon delivers some very disturbing news.  He tells Mary that a sword will pierce her own soul.  I can't imagine knowing this... hearing this... and not immediately questioning God.  We all love to predict, but none of us know for sure what will happen.  I often wonder if Mary didn't think Jesus should live in a bubble instead of going out into the world... but she let go... and let God take control of the situation.  She was there for his dedication... she got bad news there, but she didn't let that stop her from living a great life.  She was there at his first miracle, and she didn't miss the important things of his life. 

At the crucifixion of Jesus, Mary was there... John 19:25 says, "Near the cross of Jesus stood his mother..."  I can't imagine standing and watching the pain, the hurt, the tears of blood, the entire event unfold in front of me.  I have often wondered if Mary thought "There is no way God would do this to me... There is no way God would let my baby boy (at 33) die".... But God did... He did it for me and you... and as Mary watched... I wonder if she thought it really wouldn't happen because she knew just how special Jesus was.  When something tragic happens... we have two choices.  We can react with dignity, grace, and manners... or we can lose control and try to take over the situation to make an even bigger mess.  I don't know what it was like the day that Mary watched Jesus hang on a cross to die, but I know she was there until the end.  She stood by Jesus and I feel sure she prayed for him to not hurt.... I even think she may have prayed for him to take his last breath.  Sometimes life throws us curve balls and we have to do the unthinkable... I prayed for Daddy to take his last breath... I wanted him to be out of pain... to no longer be sick... to regain his full strength somewhere else.  Maybe I'm wrong for asking that of God, but I hope that my children see me as I see Mary... a person who watched it all unfold and rely on the only strength I knew to make it... the Holy Spirit.  Mary should be our role model in so many ways.

Mary was also there forty days after the resurrection with the apostles praying after the ascension for a replacement apostle.... Mary had to have courage and a strong faith.  Wouldn't life be so much easier if we all believed with Mary's faith?  In our defense... we feel like she would believe everything that God told her because of the miracle birth, but I think back to what God has done for me... and I sometimes still doubt him. 

As you look at Mary... look to her to be your role model... her strength, encouragement, and belief in her son allowed her to be there for things even when it was the most pleasant event.  Where would our Nativity Scene be without Mary?  She is so important and we should never forget her role as Jesus's mother and her role as a believer in what the Lord can do! 

Steps to Being the Perfect Mother

What is a good mother?  We all have our own definitions of what a good mother is.  I'll never forget sitting at a ballgame many years ago and an acquaintance was telling me about her son going to spend the weekend in a college town and she didn't really want him to go.  She was all stressed out about it and was hoping I had some knowledge... I told her I only had a preschooler and elementary child... I didn't know what to tell her except go with your gut... in our conversation she said, "The hardest part of parenting is the parents who are sitting next to you!"... I looked at her like she was crazy... she explained that when all the other moms let their kids do something and she didn't that she was afraid of looking mean and acting better than everyone else.  That statement stuck with me then... and even more now.  

It's not my place to decide what other parents should do... it's my place to decide what I can tolerate in my house with my children.  Just this weekend my family was discussing how "crazy" it was that Ben wasn't allowed to take his cell phone to Washington, DC on a school field trip.  What ifs were running through their brains and concerns for safety were clearly the top reasons they thought it was stupid.  For me, I was torn... I love the fact that my 14 year old has gone a field trip to another state from Saturday until Tuesday morning and hasn't had a phone... he hasn't complained... I'm sure he will grab it off the counter when he walks in the door, but for a short time he was able to function without it.  The school has been nice enough to send us calls with updates, created a Facebook page with lots of videos and pictures, and chaperones have allowed students to use their phones to call home.  I say all this to show that two different places can do things two different ways and it's going to be okay.  I would have to argue that Ben might see more in the nation's capital than a child with a phone though because I know they can be distracting.  We followed the rules and didn't hide a phone in his suitcase... and while my heart was worried... I know doing the right thing was best.  I followed the rules.  

Another example might be what I allow my children to do and not do... I know this sounds crazy, but I don't give KB a curfew.  I don't have to... for one, she is a sixty year old woman in an 18 year old body... and two... she is mature enough to make decisions about what time she needs to be here.  Ben may be a different story.... but I'm the mama and if the rules change for one child... it's okay.  Every child is different no matter what we do as parents.  I think good mothers don't put children in boxes and make the rules the same for all of them! It breaks my heart sometimes to see the differences that I have to modify for, but I know it's the right thing.  

Looking at the Nativity Scene... I see Mary... Jesus's mother... and I think to myself that she must have had a hard time watching her son from birth to death... and I think about what she would do if she were in my shoes.  Whenever I start "thinking"... I start looking for verses to help me.  

Ephesians 6:4    Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.

The Bible is very clear about discipline.  We have to discipline our children... just like God disciplines us.  I believe in discipline... but how are children to know what is wrong if we don't teach them?  How are children supposed to learn what is wrong and right if they don't see good examples of how to act and behave.  As parents, if we break the rules... we teach our children it's okay to break the rules.  As parents, if we treat others with disrespect... we teach our children it's okay to treat others poorly.  As parents, if we make excuses for our children... we teach our children excuses become the "reasons" behind many broken rules and that's okay.  Step One... Follow the rules and laws... be an example to your children and other children you see.  

Proverbs 22:6 Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.  

Pretend that you have gotten the news you have one week to live... how would you spend it?  Most people say that they would be in the church praying daily every time the doors opened that week.  I know for me I'd spend several hours a day writing letters to family and praying for others who would be left behind.  I'd make more time for the family dinners, the family time, and the family prayers.  While I can't make someone be saved, I'd try my best to plant the seeds with people who didn't profess their faith.  We should raise our children showing them the way to go each week!  

1 Timothy 5:8

Anyone who doesn't provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.  

I have a responsibility as a parent to make sure I provide for my children.  I think this verse includes food, shelter, clothing, but I also believe it means to provide guidance in choosing the road less traveled.  That road less traveled may mean you don't have a Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat full of fun pictures with friends, nights out all night making memories, and a long list of people to call when you are bored... it's my job as a parent to let my children know it's okay to be different!  I used to tell them that if they did something secretly and kept it from us... it probably wasn't the right thing to do... and now we have added that if you think it might be wrong... just ask... better safe than sorry!

Acts 5:29

Peter and the other apostles replied: "We must obey God rather than human beings"!  A good mother will teach her children that the answers to all their problems will be addressed in the Bible.  Just because every other child or parent is doing it... doesn't make it right.  I learned this the hard way.  I think back to some poor decisions and realize that had I given my children a little more attention the choices they made may have been different.  If I had been in the Word more instead of the world... things may have been a little different.  

Romans 14:12

So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.

One day I will have to tell God why I did or didn't do something.  I can't imagine all the explaining I'll have to do, but I pray that the last years of my life will be better than the first 40.  As a mama, I have to account for both my children... did I tell them the right thing to do?  Or did I tell them just don't get caught doing the wrong thing?  Did I tell them that following the world is the best thing to do?  Or did I tell them to be like aliens and be different than others?  Did I prepare them for giving an account of what they choose to do?  They may keep it a secret from me, but God will always know.  

Finally... Mary... Jesus's mother... am I following her lead as the perfect mother?  

Luke 2: 21-40 speaks of Jesus being taken to the church as an 8 day old baby and meeting Simeon.

Simeon said great things about Jesus... he knew who he was.  I find comfort in knowing that taking my children to church could lead them to being so much more in life.  I can't be the perfect mother without some help... I get my help from my family, church family, the Bible, and the Holy Spirit... 

Be like Mary... take your children to church... set an example for them to follow... and remember that you will give an account for your life and decisions you have made.  It's never to late to change the way you think... I hope and pray that Mary will be our role model for the "perfect mother" instead of the mother sitting next to us.  It might break your heart... but do the right thing!

Can you believe she is pregnant?

How many times has this come out of our mouths?  The young, unmarried girl in high school or college, the woman with five or six children already, or the mother who is "too old" to add another baby to her family...  we have all been there and passed judgment on the girl, her family, the entire situation.  While no mother prays for her daughter to be in the situation that Mary was in at the age of 12, 14, or 16... it happened then... and it happens now.  I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.  I don't believe that any girl loves her baby any less whether she is married or not.  A baby... is a baby... and who doesn't love one?  I believe that Mary felt the same way about Jesus.

Some things haven't changed over time, and I believe that no matter the humility, the embarrassment, the shame, the rumors... the everything... that when Jesus was born he was loved by his mother.  As I look at the role of Mary in the Nativity Scene, I can't help but think of how she must have felt.  How did she feel when the angel came and told her she would carry a baby?  Was she elated when she felt him move for the first time?  Did she have everything she needed to make sure he would be well taken care of?  I'm sure she felt the same things I felt when I was pregnant.   What mother hasn't felt those things... even with the unplanned element there?

I think the biggest lesson we can learn from Mary is what Romans 8:28 tells us...
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to this purpose.

Mary wasn't in the ideal situation... she wasn't married... her soon to be husband knew the baby wasn't his... and who would really believe Mary when she told about the angel?  What started out as pain, worry, and even disbelief turned into the most beautiful story in the world.  In fact, His entire life is a story of pain and gain... Mary suffered through what people judged her about... I wonder if they talked about her parents not being good because "they" allowed this to happen?  I wonder if her friends thought "Gosh, I'm glad that is her and not me"?  I wonder if Mary thought "Why in the world did this have to happen to me"?

I think our human nature is to think only in the moment... and not think to the future.  God makes no mistakes.  I know that God put Mary in this situation to teach you and me a lesson... to have a model lesson to look to in situations for our own lives.  How many of us have found ourselves in situations where we may be just like Mary?  Embarrassed, shamed, humiliated... but as we grow older and stronger in our relationship with Christ, we realize that these are the situations that make us a better person.

Don't you think Mary should be someone we all look to when we are hurting, or worried, or afraid?  Look at what Mary went through as a young, unmarried, pregnant girl... but don't stop there... her story turned into something great.  She let God have control and make the best of the situation.  If only I could do that... let Him have control over the situations instead of me.  Let Him use me like He used Mary.

Where are you in your life right now?  Are you struggling with something?  Are you embarrassed?  Are you humiliated by a situation?  Let it go... you can't go back and change what has happened already.  BUT... you can learn from the situation and be like Mary... rely on the Holy Spirit to guide you... lead you... and make the best of the situation you are in... and if by chance you can take the focus off of yourself for just a minute... you may see the beauty in a bad situation is just God's hand at work in your life.

I can't wait to get to Heaven and ask Mary if she would do it all again... I have no doubt that she will say yes... I feel sure she would go through the bad again to get the GOOD!  As you stare at your Nativity Scene this season... look at Mary... and think of the beautiful blessing that came from what started out looking like a bad situation... I'm betting at least one person who reads this can testify to the fact that Romans 8:28 has been proven true in their own lives just like it was in Mary's.