Mark has told me for years the days and moments leading up to an event are much more stressful than the actual event itself. The things we sit and dread in life that cause us to worry, have anxiety, and make a pit in our stomachs are not nearly as bad as we imagine them to be when they really happen. Tomorrow is a day I have been dreading for a year. I hope Mark is right!
I have had writer's block the last year and chosen not to write because I knew this post needed to be written before anything else. It's my therapy, it's raw, it's real... and some may say "much"... but hey... that's me and that's our family... much! I am not sharing everything yet... one day I will... but right now I want to just recap the week of when a small town embraced our family and loved on us through this awful incident.
I was standing in Walmart when I took the picture above. Guille called me and I thought he was playing a terrible trick on me. He told me there had been an accident and I didn't believe him. The first thing I did was check Snapchat. Cole didn't know I had him on my radar, but I did. I knew where he was at every minute of the day. My heart dropped when I saw his little figure and I kept thinking it wasn't true. I keep this image on my phone now... I like to think it's reversed from what it used to be. I was watching over him and all the many places he was going and he had no clue. Today I hope he is watching over me and making sure I'm doing right!
I left my box of Smuckers Uncrustables in my buggy and ran out of Walmart. I was so disoriented I drove around Greenville and couldn't find my way home. I missed turns, couldn't find my house, and just stared into space. How in the world could this have happened. The first call I made was to my superintendent and he quickly had people making sure I was okay. I have no doubt I have been placed where I am for a purpose. I work with an amazing group of people who treat me so well, take care of me, and make me feel special to them. Their thoughtfulness, kindness, and encouragement during this past year has been nothing short of amazing. I remember telling them I was missing my turn and couldn't find my way back... I now know I probably shouldn't have been driving.
After I called KB and told her to come to Jane's, got Ben taken care of by best friends here, and packed some clothes... we headed to Lincolnton. The next days were incredible... yes, a death can be described as that. The love, support, comfort of our small town embracing us was incredible.
I checked on Mama first and then headed to see Jim and Janice. Those first moments were nothing that I had imagined in the two hour drive home. I had pictured emotional parents who were irate, angry, and upset beyond anything imaginable. When I walked in their house, Janice was sitting in a chair with her head down... I leaned down beside her and said, "I'm here".... she hugged my neck and said, "I can't do this by myself... I need you to help me!"... I told her this sucked... it wasn't fair... and I was so sorry... She responded with "Britt, there's a purpose in this... God wouldn't take my baby boy without something good coming from this".... at that moment I knew the next days would be hard, but I also knew I was dealing with someone who knew God, knew His plans were for His good, and knew we would get through this!
There were people everywhere and I don't really remember anything else that night except the look of fear on my mama's face. It's hard to watch someone hurting so bad. I heard her say I always wanted to make sure I didn't have to watch one of my children die, but I never dreamed I'd have to watch a grandchild die. In all honesty, there weren't enough arms and hands to take care of the mama and the grandmother who were grieving. I tried my best to go between both places, but I also knew I had a big brother who was trying so hard to stay strong.
The next morning I woke up early to the sound of our former high school football coach with biscuits for breakfast. He will come back later in my story, but that's how small towns do it... people bring breakfast during sad times and 6:00 AM isn't too early!
The first thing we did the day after the crash was go to the site. The FAA was there, law enforcement, and a few friends. We watched as they pulled the plane out of the pond, took items that were in the water out and bagged them, and listened to the many theories of why this happened. I'll go ahead and say we aren't sure what happened... and we probably never will.... one day I'll get Jim to tell me the story again because he was there and saw most of it... heard it all... I often just sit and stare and wonder how he makes it day by day. He is so strong. One weekend shortly after the accident he told me that he was going to get through this because he knew he would see Cole again... he said I might live for another 20 years and I'll see him. Just a few weekends ago he told me Cole was better off than any of us. He is so right. Isn't life crazy... we try to console and comfort those who have lost someone and it's us being the one who is helped.
The next video is the newscast that was aired. It didn't take long for Cole's story to cross the southeast. Three months after the accident, we were in a golf tournament in Orlando and a girl recognized us and the story. She said she had been following it since it happened.
I have often seen people be interviewed after a tragic event and I started to decline talking to them, but I wanted others to know how wonderful this 24 year old boy was. He had just graduated from college, he was living the dream life with a dream job, and he was always the life of the party. He was my nephew and I loved everything about him... his personality, his little devilish side, and most of all his smile. He often teased me and called me a party pooper because I wouldn't go along with his crazy ideas... he would get mad when I would make him sit at Mama's and write a paper... he always thought I was going to write it... I never did! He tried his best to make my children do things to get on my nerves! He succeeded quite often. There aren't many weeks that go by I don't say something about him and how much he would enjoy what KB or Ben are doing. He knew I was here for him... and he knew he could call me if he needed something!
https://www.wjbf.com/top-stories/lincolnton-community-in-shock-after-young-pilots-death/
The next days were spent planning and preparing for the funeral. The amount of food and generosity of the community was simply breath taking and overwhelming. Every time we turned around we had a few more people helping. For those who don't know... Janice likes things done right. In the midst of all the planning, we knew we had to have the perfect backdrop for the celebration of Cole's life. While Janice might not remember a thing about that day, we do know that Cole was probably laughing and getting a kick out of all his friends finally helping out at the farm! He often teased and said he did all the work while his friends had fun! They earned their keep those days getting the farm ready!
Honestly, these boys were hurting and needed something to do to help the pain... working was what they chose. They are good boys! They love each other, they love helping others, and they love Cole's Farm.
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