Mark's Little Boy

Ben specifically told me I didn't need to write about him tonight... but who really listens to their children?  

 Everyone needs a goal.   If you don't know what you are working for, sweating for, or striving for, you may be like the blindfolded man running in circles.  

One morning on the way to school in early spring Ben was reading our devotional we do together aloud and it prompted me to ask him what his goals were.  He spouted off that he wanted to be a professional golfer.  I told him to be realistic... I don't believe in making children think they are something they really aren't.  I said, "Ben, what can you do today that will be a realistic goal?"

He told me he would like to shoot under par.  I said, "Ok... watch God and what He will do if you really believe it!"

In my heart I doubted his abilities.  I put on a good face and just said, "Watch God" again as he got out of the car.  I arrived to his golf match late that afternoon and he was playing well.  As he approached the tee box of the last hole he was one under par.  I was in complete shock and awe and laughed at myself for laughing at God.  Ben's nerves got the best of him and he doubled the last hole.  That day taught me Ben had a fire in him that sometimes needed a little light to it!  I told him it was within reach, and I shared with him even I doubted what he could do!

 Fast forward to this summer and playing in tournaments each Monday and some weekends with his new goal of shooting even par in an 18 hole tournament.  He was close many times, but just couldn't quite make it.  He couldn't get all the things to connect on the same day... some days he was hitting the ball out of bounds, or playing from the rough, or THREE PUTTING!

It's been a struggle this summer with attitude and frustrations on all our parts!  He acted like "his daddy" on the course a few times and needed a spanking, but he didn't throw a club, let one slip, or toss a ball in anger and frustration... he just dropped his head and shoulders and broke my heart!  I have walked many a mile just praying for the day to end!  I have prayed for his light to shine... For him to be a light to others to see how to act when they may not be playing well.  Seeing tears in his eyes I kept reminding him it would be his turn one day! I kept reminding him his turn would be that much sweeter when it came....  his turn would come when he had a good day and the victory would be sweet!

On a side note.... this week is move-in week for Katie Britt at Clemson.  We planned on going Friday, but I decided we would just go on Saturday to make things easier for all of us.  During this conversation I even stated there is no way Ben will make it to the All-Stars Tournament unless someone else's legs and arms fell off so... we made a plan to move her in on Saturday.  

As we like to call it "McKinney Luck" struck today... in a good way!  Ben reached his goal of even par in the last tournament of the season.  I knew he had played well, but I also knew a few other players had turned in scores lower than his.  I left from my lunch break to head back to work and got a text saying Ben had qualified for The Patriot.  I really thought it was a joke!  I questioned it, checked calculations, and rechecked the website.... the stars all aligned just right for him to qualify by just a few points ahead of one of his favorite players.  He will be playing this weekend in Ninety-Six on a course that Mark says is one of the last tournaments he played with Daddy.

We are now trying our best to figure out when/ how/ if we can get Katie Britt into her apartment this weekend!  She is just as excited as I am for her baby brother... she's been there every step of the way and wouldn't miss this for anything!  She may be living out of her car for a few days (JUST TEASING MAMA AND BC) until next weekend, but she says she will be there to watch him!


Right after they left the course, Ben, Mark, and Sis headed straight to the DMV.  As I take a deep breath typing this... Mark's little boy is now driving all by himself.  I think I'm going to lobby at the state house in South Carolina about giving babies their licenses at such a young age!  They let him drive home by himself... I may never sleep another night restfully!

It's been a good day today... tomorrow may be crazy, it might be an awful weekend of playing for Ben, and Katie Britt may have a slightly undecorated room for a little bit.... but for today... thank you Lord for the blessings we received!  We will enjoy the good, the bad, and the ugly of life... because we know the waiting is worth it!  And the next time you doubt something... WATCH GOD!

Two Years

It's been two years since I've seen you, but I still feel like you are right here with us.  As soon as I want to feel sappy or get emotional, I'm quickly reminded that as long as Ben is here... you are here.  I know you would be so proud of him this year.... and quite a few times you would have been able to say "Buh, his ass won't hold what it needs!".  

As I watched him play Fall Ball and grow into an athlete who had potential, I knew it came from you.  As I watched him play ball for his middle school and become a leader.... I knew it came from you.  As I watched him step on the golf course as a varsity player... I knew it came from you.  As I watched him make All A's... well... I knew that didn't come from you, but you would have been proud of him.  He's started driving, he's a ladies' (yes, plural) man, and he's a charmer to adults.... he did get that from you.  He stays for hours on the golf course and doesn't want to come home until he gets things just right.  He loves to laugh at other people.  He loves to tease me, and he loves to eat.  How can I be sad when I'm reminded daily of you by him?  Last week when he came in to kiss me goodnight, I told him all he needed was a cigarette to smell just like you.  He had been playing golf all day and smelled terrible... like a "goat" as Mama used to say!  

One of the last things you said to KB was she will be able to go to school for free.  Well, it's not quite free, but she has done so well and is getting a lot of help!  She made the Presidential Dean's List both semesters... she didn't get that from you.  She enjoyed representing Clemson this year as a member of Tiger Pride... even though you wouldn't admit it... you'd be happy she was a part of the group and participated in the National Championship parade.  She loves football like you... She reminds me of you too... not in her looks or actions... but what she says.  She loves to call people out when they do stupid things... she loves to question why people aren't real ( they say one thing and do another)... and she loves write someone off like you did... what reminds me most of you is the fact that she sits and watches hours and hours of television... and needs a little snack... a little something sweet... let's me know she has a little piece of you... her hands and legs... and little butt that I know can end up big like mine and yours are there too!

And Mama... wow... this past year she decided to take us all on a cruise... and she didn't get to go because of her back...she had back surgery two weeks ago and hopefully she is on the mend, but we have teased her quite often that you are haunting her.  Hopefully, we can go again and she will be there!  Jim dropped us off at the hospital for the surgery and he told her "If you would stand up straight and hold your shoulders back... you wouldn't need this"... He has told her to get up and walk... and he's taken every opportunity he's had to pick on her.  He sounds JUST like you.  I laugh when she tells me that she apologizes every morning for not waiting on you hand and foot with a cheerful heart.  Can you believe that she watches the Braves every day now?  She makes her schedule for the day around that... and I can't call her in the afternoons because she is watching those stupid westerns you used to love to watch... if you were here.... I'm afraid y'all's lives would be totally different and you would be all sappy with each other.  I'm not sure we would be able to handle it! Jim, Guille, and I are about to embark on taking care of her while she heals at home.  Guille will be the gentle one, Jim will be the picker, and I'll be the one who leads it all.... You'd be proud I'm taking the lead in directing everyone of where they should be and what they should do!   

And me... oh Daddy, how many times I've wanted to call you and tell you so many things.  I've wanted to tell you about things going on in my life that I needed to just hear "don't worry about that"... I'll have to say this year was one of the hardest... sending KB off to college was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life... but I made it through it... I think I thought to myself she had wonderful angels surrounding her and found comfort in that.  I also knew you would be telling me to quit worrying about her because she would be fine.  I can also thank Mark for reminding me of you weekly because he loves to still play "That would be a bad way to die" game.  

I'm glad you don't hurt anymore, I'm glad you are healed, and I'm glad you don't have the earthly things to worry about... not that you ever really did.  Maybe I'm not supposed to, but I can't be too sad because I know death is a part of life.  I know that I can't control it.  I know that life has to go on... This week as I celebrate Father's Day... I'm choosing to be happy and joyful for the little pieces of you that are left behind.  I'm thankful for every little reminder... every single day of you.  Happy two years of being free from the earthly mess and Happy Father's Day week!  

From That... to This!!!

AUGUST 2018                                                                                  APRIL 2019

What a difference a few months make!  The first picture is the day in August that I had worried for months about... I was worried that you would step out into the world and change... grow up too fast... and become someone who didn't need her mama anymore... I was worried about you leaving the comfortable nest you had been in for 18 years.  So I prayed for you... over and over and over...

Those first few months were hard... it was hard to watch each week with tears in your eyes as you left us on Sunday afternoons... it was hard to sit at the table for supper and you not be there... it was hard for us to go out to eat and say "three" instead of four... it was hard to sleep soundly at night knowing you weren't in our nest.... So I prayed for you.... over and over and over...

You did change... you learned to be an advocate for yourself... you learned to ask questions to teachers who didn't know your mama... you learned what a true work environment was... the good and bad... you learned that hard work has rewards.... Not many people can say they leave their freshman year with 4.0... Your Uncle Jim and I know that a grade point average doesn't really matter... but I'm still proud of you! 

You did grow up fast.... you learned to make grocery lists, you learned to organize your schedule with work and school... and you learned to be an adult and keep your mouth shut when you didn't really agree with someone!  I worried you would be vulnerable stepping out of the bubble you had grown up in... I worried you would be run over like a freight train by kids much smarter than you... and I worried you would be on anxiety medicine to make it through your first year of school.  So I prayed for you... over and over and over...

The one thing that didn't happen was not needing me anymore... While I wasn't always able to answer your 7:47 AM phone calls each day... or the 8:50 AM ones... or the 9:30 PM ones... my heart felt good to know that you still felt the need to call me all times of the day and night.... even if it was just to tell me you saw a cat or a squirrel or found a good snack.... thank you for making me feel loved more than I ever deserve!  I'm so glad you still need me... So I pray for you now... and will always pray for you... over and over and over....

The last picture is you coming in the house tonight... those tears and fears and worries and anxiety in the first picture are completely gone tonight... you are home... you have survived your freshman year of college... and it was way more than I expected it to be for you!   In the fall you will return to Clemson as a JUNIOR... I know it won't be easy to let you go again.... So I will pray for you... over and over and over... 

Tonight... I'm just thanking God that you are under our roof and smiling!  You and Ben have a lot of catching up to do... Welcome home baby girl.... for now I will pray for you to be happy while you are home... over and over and over!

PS... Could you get all those things that I thought you needed to make a dorm room cute put up so your room doesn't look like a tornado?  My house won't be clean until August! 

Boy, I sure do miss Butchie today...

The Woodruff High School Golf Team competed today for the Region 3-AAA Tournament at Lakeside Country Club.  Their story will be special one day... not for their scores... not for their accomplishments... not for their victories... but for the friendship that this team has.  

 Competing against teams around us means that we already know what their teams are capable of and what we have to do to be successful.  These boys have been practicing as a team since February, and this morning began the first competition to take them to state.

 Our team of nine got to play the first five.  From those five, the top four scores count.  Through many competitions on the course, Daniel, Trey, Gage, Ben, and Chase led WHS on the course today.  I really wish that the grade levels were beside these boys' names because I'm thinking that no other team is as young as ours.  Gage and Ben are 8th graders and the rest are in the 10th grade.

 Chase-- I call him Ben's twin.  I even took a picture today with Coach Craig with his arm around Chase thinking what a great picture it was of Coach with Ben.  When I got up closer I realized it was Chase.  I love that Chase thinks like me... after the round today --where I could hardly take a deep breath, I told Katie Britt to go get me a coke... and Chase wanted a Mountain Dew... his mama packs him emergency ones for the rounds--- he had to settle for a Sprite, but we knew that drink would be a great sigh of relief.

 That devilish grin there is what really reminds me of Ben.  He loves to pick on people, put one toe across the line, and make comments that I can't help but smile about... even though I probably shouldn't.  I'm so glad to have shared this season with his humor.

 This boy... more about him later, but I took this picture to get that black looking caterpillar in the morning sunlight.  He doesn't think he needs to shave, but he does.... he couldn't wait to shave for the first time and now it takes threats to get him to do it!  This is right before he teed off in front of a lot of people... that always makes me nervous... can't imagine his feelings.

 As I am typing this, this girl is taking a final.... she loves to come see "Robert"...

 I tried to stay away from these two on the course... they sometimes say things when Ben hits a bad shot that make me mad.... I have to remind them he isn't perfect and he is only 15.

 Coop.... one of Ben's favorites... sweetest kid ever.  He was a blessing to be with Ben today because he kept him focused when Ben could have decided to let it go.  I offered him food and drink all day, but he didn't take anything... I think he is scared of Mark!

 Ben and Chase were playing criss-cross applesauce on the course.... they were hitting out of each other's fairways instead of their own.

 I can't imagine carrying a bag with clubs and all his junk... and a purple Crown Royal bag with tees... and a special ball marker... he doesn't use it... but it's there.... at the end of the day today, I could barely keep my eyes dry for thinking about how much Daddy would have loved being there....

 This is the grin you have when you know your mama is taking your picture and you are having a pretty good round...

 Coach "Bill" Brasington... he loves these boys... he gives his time (too much probably) making sure they have everything they need... what I admire most about him is that he gives up time watching his own son on the team to come help our boys with decisions that are important.  He gets a lot of 911 texts during the rounds since we can't talk to the boys!

 This is me trying to stay away from KB and Mark.... you know... so I don't have to hear them say... "that isn't in the fairway"  "that might be out"  "why did he hit it there".... they make me nervous or "tight" as Rocky says!

 One of our favorite things to do is watch the players come in on the 18th hole.

 Mark and Chase were waiting on Ben to hit his second shot on a par five going for the green OVER WATER.... I couldn't look... and I sure couldn't breathe....

 Walking up 18 to chip for an eagle....

 Decisions, decisions.... you hope for the best and pray he can make a par!

 Customary shaking of hands at the end of the round... he was all smiles as he finished his day with his lowest round ever in an 18 hole match.... 76.

 Gage deciding what to do on 18...

 He finished the day with a round in the 70s and of course they all think they should be shooting under par, but us mamas love a 70s round! I love Gage's attitude... he's the best spitfire I've ever met... he loves a challenge... and most of the time, he and Ben have a tie when the round is over... they are "spooky-scary alike" in many, many ways!

 Ty is another precious child who has the sweetest manners, sometimes hides from my camera, but always gives an encouraging hug to the guys when they come off the course! He had an awesome round a few weeks ago at Three Pines!

 These two are my hearts... she finishes school tomorrow... her freshman year... more to come on that later!

 As much as they are alike... they are so different... Mark's nerves can be seen by everyone... Ben's are hidden.... I laugh as I look at two of three men I have loved with all my heart!  Daddy wasn't there, but Ben's mannerisms, his actions, his devilment is Butch made over...all he needs is a cigarette!  Just teasing!

 Trey Baby... He has one motion... slow... and it's the BEST.... he doesn't get in a rush or hurry... he thinks about his shot... he takes his time... and he is always doing his best!  I'm thrilled that Ben has a someone to look up to and try to act like!

 Ben and Blake checking out Trey.... Blake has improved so much this year!  He supports his teammates and can be found "virtually" in my house often playing Fortnite with Ben.

 The reason Chase acts the way he does... Chuck... we have a good group of daddies that follow these boys around!

 Rocky has two to watch... there is no greater happiness than watching your children be successful at what they love... besides they know if they have a bad round that Rocky, Chuck, and Mark will pick on them!

 Trey coming out of the bunker... better than the water!

 I love the bond these boys have... they run when they see me coming to take their picture, but one day they will be so glad I was there....

 The thing I love most about golf is that it never ends... these boys can play together for the rest of their lives... until they are 100.... because golf is a sport that goes on and on..... I feel like they will be making even better memories in a few years!

 The two twins...

 and add this one... and there could be trouble!

 Daniel on 18.  I had the opportunity to teach him a couple of years ago, and he is the ideal student.... I also taught his sister many moons ago! Ben secretly wants to follow in his footsteps... but I've reminded him often that Daniel's grades are just as good as his golf game!

 Nothing makes you feel better after a round than a hug from your mama...

 unless of course it's your best friend!

 Our boys did well today... they all shot in the 70s and took first place in the region.

 Here's the great picture I took of Ben and Coach Craig... except it was Chase...

 Kyle grinning that devilish grin.... he can also be found "virtually" in my house some nights and he, Ben, and Gage left straight from this golf course to head back to Three Pines to play again!  Kyle also fools me sometimes because he looks like Ben and Gage too!

 The boys eating BBQ after the round!

 Nothing like BBQ in the hot, hot, hot sun!   It's a wonder they didn't get sick the way they ate it so fast!

Gage thinking he wants to know how Ben can eat all that macaroni and cheese!

Lunch time outside instead of a cafeteria wasn't so bad!  I'm not real sure why more boys don't sign up for golf... I mean during golf season they barely make it a week at school...

The top 8 scorers were chosen for All -Region... of course I had no idea this was given out, but I'm mad that our other two players didn't get it!  They were only one shot away from making it!  Today was Ben's turn, but they will get their turn... I'm sure of it!  As JoAnn said, "We are celebrating all of them!".

All those boys and the coach.... let's hope for the next two weeks we are taking pictures that make them smile like this!

Sis had to head back to Clemson, but she wanted a picture with her All Region brother.  Next week we may be low man on the totem pole, so we have to celebrate the wins... and learn from the character building days....

And "Mrs. Howard"... the one who keeps us all straight... whose heart is torn between two boys on the team... who has to think about too many things at once with both her babies out there... and keep me straight on where I'm supposed to be!

I'm so thankful to be a part of this village of boys... and these boys we do life with... their families will always be special... their families will always be a part of our lives... and these boys will always be low scorers in my book!

What a great day it's been.... the only thing missing was Butch saying, "Why the h3LL did you make a triple Boo?"!  I may have said it in his place, but I didn't say it out loud... does that count?