I am just getting back from another fun day at the Masters. While I'm sure this post is just for Sis and me because we giggled all day... I thought one or two of you might tend to agree with our ideas about patrons! I have to admit that this new thing the children are doing where they "get your neck" if you say something stupid or out of line drives me crazy... but I joined in on the fun today as I walked around the course! Sis and I said it over and over....
My first idea is that everyone who is entering Augusta National should have to take a test. I believe that everyone in the gates should know how special this tournament is and if they can't speak the lingo----they can't get in! I bet there are others who would love to go in who understand golf! Just set up an IPad station and if you pass the test... you get in... if you don't... "GET YOUR NECK!"
1. Cigars--- I'm not sure who told men to buy the fattest cigars and prop their hands on their poked out bellies while bellowing out smoke stacks... but it is unattractive, it stinks, and it looks like poop when you throw the cigar on the ground! Use a trashcan! Respect the grounds! Get your neck!
2. Scoring--- When a player is under par (which is a good thing)... please don't say the player is "negative seven"! Really? Get your neck!
3. For once in your life... red is a good thing! Know how to read the scoreboard! Get your neck!
4. As KB and I were walking out tonight... one man said, "Hey, what's that kid's name that everyone is following? Jorgan?"... Oh my goodness... JORDAN! He won last year and led all the rounds leading up until today... at least know that! Get your neck!
5. Ladies~ Don't wear high shoes... wear tennis shoes. No matter how cute your outfit is... this is a very hilly course... going around in high shoes and sandals make your feet real dirty from the dust... and it's hard to walk without having to balance four inch heels. Get your neck!
6. Men~ You may need your wife or mother to pack your outfits for you and match them up like Garanimals. Stripes and plaids still don't go together! And irons... they have them all the hotels and most homes in America... use them! My other advice about this is women should be making the fashion statement with bright, bold colors... not you! Get your neck!
7. Everyone~ if you don't know... keep your mouth shut! One girl asked today if the players knew the hole location. Doesn't she know playing golf is like a science... or math... or the strategic planning that goes into a round? What does she think that little pad is they write on after every shot? The grocery list for the week? Bless her... Get HER neck! And to the two men in front of me... I could see everything you could... you didn't have to give me a play by play... and those sitting around you... they didn't have on blinders... they didn't want to hear your play by play either! We could also see that big scoreboard that is the size of a billboard, and we didn't need your help in figuring out those red and green numbers... and if it was a "positive or a negative" Get your neck!
8. I think 7 beers in a day is too many... that's my personal opinion... but your friends should tell you also as you are stumbling and spilling half the beer all over the ground and yourself. Watch the golf... after seven... you really couldn't focus on the shots! Get your neck!
9. Yes, Jordan hit it in the water twice... as I stood there and heard negative comments and people say things like "I knew he couldn't do it" and "He can't take the pressure"... remember that golf is a sport that prides itself on never booing or clapping for shots that aren't the best. It's rude... and the last time I checked... Jordan is a little better than you... He was on the other side of the ropes playing and you were just watching! If you think you can do better... why don't you see if you can make it on the tour! Get your neck!
10. Bathrooms at the Masters are really nice... and no one should linger in the restroom... and apply a full load of make-up... get out from in front of the sink... there is golf going on outside the restroom and I want to see it! Get your neck!
11. As we were walking up the 18th fairway I heard two men talking... one of them had on blue jeans (which in my opinion should be a no no) and he told his buddy who had a stack of cups that the scenery at Augusta National couldn't touch Harbour Town. Buddy... I hate to get your neck walking up the 18th fairway... but I should have. No, the azaleas weren't in full bloom, but I'm sure that Heaven will have a piece of this golf course for me to sit and relax! Get his neck.... and give it back... for the jeans and the comment!
12. And finally, there were no pimento cheese sandwiches this afternoon... I was disappointed. But... I have the best pimento cheese maker in the world living at 110 Guillebeau Avenue~ so I won't worry about getting the green jackets and their necks because Mama's is still the best!
What a fun day... I'm tired of the "get your neck" stuff... but honestly, I learned from Daddy who took me to the golf course what was acceptable and what wasn't... and he whispered when he did talk to me... he didn't announce it to the world sitting around us. I sure am glad no one had to get my neck today... except maybe when I reached for my phone to see what all the roaring was about when we were walking in the gate!
