Daddy's Bench

One of Daddy's favorite places to be was Hunka Jim's farm.  Whether it was our family holidays, a meal with the men, or a football Saturday, Daddy enjoyed being there.  We've debated back and forth about where we wanted his "bench", and it has landed at the farm.  

It was delivered yesterday and is in the perfect spot.  I don't believe that Daddy is there... I know better... but I love that when anyone drives up to visit Cole Baby...they remember Daddy.  

The bench describes Daddy perfectly, his birth and his death years with BUTCH in the middle ... he was always in the middle... the center of attention... whether he was showing off his athletic skills, telling a "tale" or two, or catching up on the latest gossip... Butch was the center of our world... and a few others... 

I've wished so many times these last few weeks that I could talk to him... I know he'd tell me, "Buh, my girl is gonna be fine... you quit bothering her! She probably needs to go somewhere besides Clemson, but she is gonna be fine!"   I can't wait to go sit on the bench and talk to him!  

Jim sent me this picture today... that red bird sitting on the bench doesn't even look real, but I know it's a Godwink... he's checking it out... he likes it... he's proud of it... and he is sporting that red for the Red Devils and Georgia... ugh (from the McKinney family)

My prayer is that for generations to come that bench will have people telling Butch stories and standing around talking... in case he can hear... he might need to know the latest news of the town.  My hope is that his six grandchildren will take time to sit on it... and remember the times they sat in his lap, watching tv, and learning ugly words... okay, maybe not that part!  It's the perfect symbol of remembrance of him...~ for me... I'll sit there with a smile, and maybe a few tears, as I think about his love for each of us... I hope everyone stops by and visits his bench as they remember a funny story or two about Daddy.  

A New Way of Life--- The Way

Someone just happened to go through Clemson and pick up KB Friday on his way home from work.  He had been out of town all week and thought he needed someone to ride the last leg with him!  We were so excited when she got home!  

She didn't sleep in her own bed until she was probably twelve or thirteen... Mark traveled all the time, I was scared to go from room to room at night, and I loved being able to put my hand on her back and know she was breathing.  Yes, I broke that rule of sleeping babies should be on their backs... she liked her tummy better.  I ruined her... she didn't like to spend the night away from home... she didn't like having friends spend the night... so it's no surprise she perched right up on my bed when she got home... with MY BLANKET... 

We are continuing the traditions I grew up with and we didn't even try to... Mama and Daddy's bed was always full of people... it was nothing for Mama to get up in the middle of the night when we would get in from being out and she'd cook us something to eat... Jim's friends more than anyone's, but my friends have been in there a time or two!  I remember one specific night when "someone", not me, got a ticket and everyone with him for being somewhere they shouldn't.... and Mama and Daddy were the first we broke the news to... I hope if my children get in trouble they will feel that comfortable!  

We had a great weekend of ballgames, errands, and church.  Yesterday was a little tough when she left... she was teary-eyed... so of course I was too.  But...it only last two or three seconds... Last night I went to my room to get ready for bed, and there she was... and I missed her, but I saw a little blessing in disguise... 

When I got ready to plug my phone in... there were her earrings... she didn't put them up...imagine that!  

And no one in our house wears a little shoe like this... yes, right by my bed... she didn't put these up either... 

And on my bed... her blanket... she left that too!  If I hadn't had a lesson on "chocolate" during Sunday School, I probably would have cried, but instead I smiled and thanked God that for two weeks... I wouldn't have to pick up shoes, blankets, towels, earrings, socks, her Yeti, etc.... She's growing up... It's her turn to learn to do these things!  I've picked them up and now her roommate can try to help her not leave things everywhere!  

Since last spring, we have been walking the golf course and gathering golf balls... one day I'll do something with the 1000 I have in my garage.... but tonight... I realized that I'm going to enjoy this time with him... he's an only child right now... all he wants to do is play FN, beg for a dog, and hit a golf club.  I could possibly be bribing him with extra time on FN for walking with me, but I still think he enjoys are walks... we play music really loud and see who can sound the worst while singing.... our new song to butcher is "The Way"... 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MOzsJlk8p6I

She's had her turn as an only child... and she has turned out just fine... it's his turn now... I miss her, I love her, but I wouldn't want her anywhere else!  The song, "The Way"... helps me through my "melting" moments!  

Now... If I could just figure out how to get his grades sent to my phone instead of hers... I would be doing great!  

LIfe Goes On... Ben's First Day of 8th Grade... Mark is Mark

****I'm editing post to put Mark's picture up front... his is much better... explanation below!  

 Today was Ben's first day of 8th grade... and I think I'm on year 24... things were different this morning... no Sis to get us moving and ready for a picture... I had to pack our lunches last night... Ben's shoes were one place... his chocolate milk wasn't made... he almost forgot his breakfast... whew... we didn't know what we had when she was here!  But some things never change... I thought this morning would be sad, but instead... Ben and I laughed... at Mark...

 Yes, I know this picture looks just like the one before... because Ben and I know how to strike a pose... smile... hold it... and look like we are thrilled to be doing what we are doing...

 And check this out... pose three... looks just like the other two... three in a row!  No third times a charm or any of that mess... we get it on the first time!  We look a little sleepy, but we are both alike... we wait until the last minute to get ready... we rush... we lose our place in the mornings... and we think that if we are one minute early...it's too early!

 And then there is Mark.... Ben knows he can't take a picture... he knows he is going to mess it up... he knows that we will have something to laugh about later... I knew as I was snapping this one that it was going to be terrible... it was...

 I stopped and told Mark to be natural... and Ben got tickled...

 Then I told Mark to just smile... and he looks like Howdy Doody... or a Goober on Andy Griffith... and the love Ben has looking at him makes my heart big...

 The next one I told Ben to look at me and Mark just got worse...

 And then he starts getting mad because I'm not doing it right... all in all... it doesn't matter because Ben is precious in every single one!  Thank the Lord for the laughs we had this morning because we sure needed them!

 He wears a golf shirt at least once a day every day... usually two... so he changed it up on me this year and put on a t-shirt... I've been picked on so much about dressing KB that I let him do what he wants... takes more bags than a woman with him to school... The table and floor were full...

And this is when he decided he didn't have chocolate milk or breakfast....

He said he had a great day at school... no homework... and is now playing Fortnight...It's just the two of us this week... and I am going to try to talk him into going to bed early tonight!  There is no teacher tired like the first day... and I didn't even teach!

A little nail... and a bird...

 

     I'm not sure why a nail came to my mind this morning, but all day long I've thought about a nail.  Maybe I overanalyze things, maybe I need something else to think about, maybe I'm crazy, but I have found comfort in this process of thinking about a nail.

     It's been forty-eight hours since we dropped her off at college.  Our entire family dislikes riding roller coasters... yet... that's exactly what I feel like I've been on for the past two days.  There are so many things to be thankful for and I am so proud, but then I focus on myself and come back down to the valley.  That's what gets me in trouble!

    It didn't matter what I did yesterday... she was there... and she wasn't.  Mark was folding clothes and held up her socks... "I bet she needs me to bring these to her!"... I started cleaning and missed her voice saying, "Mom, what's next?"... I decided to get Ben's book bag, lunchbox, and school supplies ready... and I needed her.  She is the organizer of our family.  It was time to go to the grocery store for our weekly trip... I needed her to talk me through the week and make sure I had everything for everyone... I walked in her room and there were no clothes on the floor, the closet door was shut, and that big elephant she loves wasn't on the bed... There's no other way to describe her being gone than to say that it feels like a nail has been pushed through my heart... and yet she's like a nail... she holds us together... she makes us one... she makes us complete... she's strong... she holds up even when things aren't going her way... she doesn't tarnish and give up... she keeps going...

     As soon as we got in the car to go to church the tears started again... and the music this morning made me cry... and the preacher made me cry... and then our church family made me cry... and I thought to myself that I am going to have to get myself together!!!  I took a nap because I believe in resting on Sunday... and then I came back to the nail again... and I'm going to try to approach this new way of life with a different perspective... I'm going to focus on how can I be a nail... how can I hold things together... make others know how to be one... to make their lives complete... to make them strong... to hold up when things aren't going the way they want... to not rust/tarnish/give up... to keep going...

     The nail... an invention that has lasted through the years... one of the few things that have been around since Jesus's death... I mean people didn't have social media to express their feelings, cell phones to call their children, cars to visit their children, restaurants to meet for lunch, and the list goes on and on and on... but they had nails... a common thing that was used then and now.

     I'm like Dolly Parton and Olympia Dukakis in Steel Magnolias... there's a story there...
                A nail does many things... it puts two things together forever... it's sturdy... it doesn't wear out... it doesn't disintegrate.... it lasts forever and ever... and out of all those good things that it does...
                 it can also harm... it pierces... it can make you bleed... it can put up eviction notices... it can put up "Lost..." notices... it can cause you to need a tetanus shot... it can flatten your tire... and it can be used to nail someone to the cross...

And that last statement got me... as worthy as a nail is to us today, many, many years ago.... it nailed him to the cross for me... and while that might be a sad thing to think about... it had to happen for me to have eternal life.  So... while a nail might hurt for a little bit... if I change my perspective and look at it as something bad ending with a good result... I find peace in knowing that my heart might be broken that I have sent a child off to college... I know that good things are going to come from this entire experience.  Jesus never promised us easy... and I'm a firm believer in that... but He does tell us that God's plan is for good.   I'm choosing to focus on the good!

     When she got back to the dorm about 9 last night, she called and sounded great.  She said she hadn't cried all day long.... she got up and went to church this morning... she had a test to take this afternoon... and as I'm typing she is at the President's reception sending me pictures.  I'm so grateful for this time... and I'm going to embrace it through the tears.  I'm so glad she is adjusting... and I know that in time we will all feel better about this entire situation... but for now... I'm focusing on the nail... the nail that holds my life together... the nail that allows me to know that no matter what happens I will be okay... and so will she!

     I'll be honest and say that three of us are having a harder time than she is... Mark just sent me this and I'll leave you with how this is so true...

As "Uncle Jeffo" sent me yesterday... There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children.  One of these is roots, the other wings... 

And my prayer today... continue to be that nail... and fly baby girl... fly baby girl and fill those trees!

It was all good.... until the end!

It's been a wonderful day.  Not really knowing what to expect, but imagining lots of things, I was pleasantly surprised to wake up with the greatest sense of peace.  There is no other way to describe it.  As I was reading my Bible this morning, friends sent me the sweetest text messages of encouragement.  I had many check on me throughout the day... and I proudly typed back that I was fine and felt great!  

One of my absolute favorite verses in the Bible is Joshua 1:9.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.  

I know He didn't, but I feel like God was leaving someone out today because I felt so comforted and just knew that things were going to be okay... I felt like I had extra love and care!  

I'm not real sure which one of us is going to miss her the most... Suki or me.  I am not sure she realizes Sis is gone yet because she really only visits first thing in the morning and at night when it's time to eat.  Suki will be my responsibility tonight to feed... and I'll have to break the news to her that Sis won't be coming home for some time... but I'll reassure her that I will take care of her!  This was her goodbye time this morning.  

Everything ran smoothly this morning.  We packed the car last night... best thing ever... and all we had to put in the car were just a few last minute items.  

Everyone thinks I'm the sentimental, sappy mama... but Mark took this picture... showing that she is 54 miles from us... and a little over an hour.  I can't imagine these children going across the country for school.  I commend them and their parents! 

https://youtu.be/qQqtCdZ_zDE

The link above is us driving out of the driveway... I didn't even think of it... he did!  

Traffic was great and we were greeted by helpers to unload the car and truck.  Mark was bragging on the way home that the only thing he brought to the dorm room was her Yeti cup.... and he is telling the truth!  All the horror stories of the elevator not working, the air not working, pouring rain... none of that!  It was great!  

I'm not sure who came up with this idea about appointment times for unloading... and helpers... but they are little blessings in disguise!  It was fantastic and took about ten minutes to get her things to the room!

We were greeted by two beds, two bookshelves, a microfridge, and two chairs... I think I had prepared myself for the rooms like we had at cheerleading camp... with those terrible smells... but it was really nice... and clean... 

We quickly started working and got just about everything set up by 1:00.  

Just like a true Mattison-McKinney, the television is the most important item to a room!  Ben quickly started working on that! 

I have looked for weeks and weeks for pillows for her bed... I know those suckers are going to be on the floor tonight and never get back on that bed... she probably won't make her bed again... I'll have to go up there to change the sheets!  

These two had fun for a little bit, but ...a 14 year old and Mark... in a small dorm room... with other people.... they had to go do something!  

And these two needed a break from unpacking!  

A little comfort from home... all her high school t-shirts made into a blanket! 

 A few knick-knacks to make her feel at home... 

 It's amazing what a little command strip will hold up!  

 The view of her bed from up high! 

 I spent the last few months on Amazon buying every space saver, dorm suggestion I could find!  

 The finished product the first time... Amberly... notice the ribbon and Tiger Paw on the curtain... all for you!  

Courtney's parents left about lunchtime and we headed out to pick out a few more things! 

I'm hoping these two become the best of friends!   I think they are pretty comfortable with each other after only two visits! 

And while we were slaving away getting a dorm room set up... these two went to play the Walker Course.  We were actually glad for them to be out of our way for a little bit!  This is the "tiger paw" hole.  Sweet memories for these two...it also helped for them not to be anxious all day around her! 

When they made it back... we started getting a little sad.  Not sure how to make the transition easier... the teacher came out in me... let's just go.  Let's turn the tv on and get her mind on something else.... well.... that was an act of congress to get done... 

 I just wanted a sweet picture of these two before we left... and check out the background... ugh

 He has already sent me a text that says, "I miss Sis".... "It's not the same without Sis in my bed"  and it breaks my heart!  

He wanted to spend the night ... but we said no! 

It took all the RAs on the hall to come help us out with the television.  

 I know her room will probably never be this straight again... 

 I'm just hoping those pictures don't fall tonight and scare them half to death! 

And I know Mama thinks that bedskirt should be ironed... but I'm hoping the wrinkles will just fall out!  

One last shot before we leave the room... 

 I think he was trying to see if he could sleep up there with her... 

 He thinks he can!  Says it's soft enough!

 And just a warning... these next pictures aren't very nice....  there was some ugly crying going on... 

As we were walking out of her dorm, it started pouring rain!  While some might think that is terrible... some might think how sad... I literally thanked God... God's timing is perfect... it had been beautiful all day.... and then the rains came down... it made our goodbyes have to go quickly and hid some of our tears!  I walked around the corner to see these two embracing and made them hug one more time for a picture because I could see her tears... and one day she will want to remember this... 

No one... absolutely no one can know the love in this picture... I've never been hugged harder in my life... I know we would still be standing there if I didn't let go... I feel like I've lost my best friend... but I also know this is the greatest thing in the world for her.  I didn't cry this hard when Daddy died... I tried to hold it together for her and then just said, "Heck... let's just cry and get it out!"... I didn't know Mark took this until I got almost home and the tears started again.... I see fear in this picture, I see sadness, I see a little girl that used to sit with a pi-pi, a bow, a smocked dress... and a little girl who dreamed big and her dreams came true.  She is stepping into college, taking on a job that will open many doors, and live exactly where she has dreamed of being since she was four!  As easy as it would have been for me to say just get back in the car and let's go home.... I was like all good mamas and I made her stay... I pushed her little hiney out of the nest and made her stay!  Okay- I just let go of the hug and told her she would fine... and to be strong!  It's the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.  As I've been texting with one of my friends tonight, I told her that I know I will see her again... but if I think real hard about the future... and the possibility that she will never live with us again full-time... I just have to thank God that she was here for 18 1/2 years... but now she is going into the big world.... and I've bathed her in pray to be taken care of... no matter what happens... she will always be my baby.   She called a few minutes ago... I know that sound... I know the feeling... She is me... she is so me...there is no sick like homesick.  But she is going to be fine... because I know her... she is kind, she is smart, and she is important... I'm not going to tell her now, but she will have this feeling for the rest of her life!  It will never be the same!  

This one hasn't cried, but he asked for Goody... he said he might sleep in her bed... and has already gotten in our bed now... I think that might be close enough to a cry!  

I typed this little note to leave with a hidden goody bag of her favorites- dry shampoo, peanut butter, a t-shirt with elephants, and a bracelet.  She found it and opened it tonight... I find comfort in knowing that God is holding her in his hand and taking care of her.  This experience is what true faith is... handing over your child to the world... and believing that she is going to be taken care of!  I know these next few weeks will be an adjustment... and if you see me and I look like I've forgotten my mascara... you'll know why... and if I walk away when you start talking about it... you'll know why... and if you see the tears come from nowhere... you'll know why!   

Of course it has taken me forever to write this post because I have had phone calls and texts coming in like crazy... but I'll end with this sweet picture... after hearing her sad voice tonight and thinking how miserable she might be... she sent me this picture with all smiles in her new "matching" pajamas... which is unheard of for her!  Thanks to Jane and Mimi for helping pick them out!  

I'm going to bed tonight... with one of my chickens not here... I'm hoping she cries only happy tears from now!  #mytis  #loveyou #wegirls #sukisaidhey