They said I would think of him every day....

They lied... I have thought of him almost every hour of every day!  I have many friends who are in the club that I joined a few days ago, and I was told that I would think of Daddy every day.  I have laughed, laughed until I cried, and cried through the memories of Daddy.

I can't name the number of times that I have wanted to pick up the phone to call him and ask a question.  Looking back, I'm sure that I worried the snot out of him calling 100 hundred times a day.  Everything going on with politics, shootings, and FoxNews alerts coming through my phone have had me wanting to ask a million extra questions.   I relied on him too much for my political views!  I'm having to do my own research and find out who is crazy and who is really crazy!  All politicians are crazy... and they spend too much money.  The educational system could have been fixed in Georgia if the candidates had put that money towards something other than television ads!  He would have loved this past week in the news... he would have been so happy that the Republicans won the Georgia election.  He would have been watching CNN and MSNBC to hear that side of the story.  He would have been concerned that the Democrats were sneaking up on the Republicans.  He would have loved every minute of it.  I'm keeping my channel on Fox because I know the viewer ratings will go down because he isn't at home watching!

I wanted to call him this weekend as we headed to Myrtle Beach too.  For as long as cell phones have been in existence I have called him at the I95 interchange... it's confusing to me.  The directions for that few miles make no sense to me.  I had to use WAZE instead.  I made it there safely.  We played putt putt every day we were there... as Ben was playing one day he decided to putt left-handed for Daddy.  I started too.  It didn't help... we still lost to KB and Mark.  Daddy would have said we were stupid and knew better than to switch up our putting!  We saw old men shuffling across parking lots... and we laughed... calling them Butch.  He would be mad about that.

I spent Father's Day on the beach.  I only teared up once when I ran into an old friend and started talking about him.  I have the BEST friends in the world!  The text messages thinking of me on that day were overwhelming.  I was filled with love and support on a day that could have been really sad and depressing.  I have had pictures all week long come up on my Timehop with Daddy in them... Father's Days of the past and our trip to San Antonio a few years ago.  If there was a "good" time for this... it is now... I'm excited every morning to see what comes up on my phone.  For the past few years, I have been mad at myself for putting a corny Facebook status up when I first got one.  My mind has changed now... I am reminded of so many things by the memories!  I love it.

I've also got voice mails that I had saved on my phone.  I never knew why I saved them, but I'm glad I did.  I just wish I could remember what I had asked him when he was calling to leave me an answer!

Poor Mama is getting more phone calls than ever from me.  She is getting double duty phone calls.  Every time I think of something to ask him... I call her.

KB and Ben are doing well with this.  They have laughed, picked, and made fun of Butch things.  It makes me smile that they smile.  It makes my heart happy that they remember the good things about him.  It makes me happy that they talk about him.  It makes me happy that they have SO many memories of him.  It makes me happy that I have SO many memories of him.  It makes me happy that  I can still hear his voice telling me things without him really being here.  The hours and hours in the car, waiting rooms, and hospital rooms are wonderful now.  They were blessings in disguise.  If I could give any advice... make memories... take lots of pictures... and write, write, write.  Write down what they say, write down what they do, and write down what they think.  It is a wonderful thing to have!

As Malynn says in Steel Magnolias... we get through this and "Life Goes On".... I always imagined what it would be like because I knew eventually that Daddy's nine lives would run out... I find peace in knowing that his body is complete now.  He doesn't hurt anymore.  He can see!  He can walk!  He can do anything he wants!  I'm not sure if Heaven has a golf course or not, or good food, or a news channel, but I'm sure that he is happy... he is whole... and he wouldn't come back if he could!  I find comfort in that and know that the peace I have in my heart is real.  I'm choosing to take the road of fun memories, laughs, and Butch sayings instead of being in a depressed state.  That's what he would insist on...

I bet you thought you were his favorite...

Let me start by saying that my daddy was a complete charmer... he had a way about him that made the person he talked to think he loved him or her more than anyone else.  Truth be told... he did.  We were each special in our own way to Daddy.  I loved the stories that have been told to me the last few days.  I knew Daddy made me feel like he loved me best, but I never knew that everyone else felt that way too.

 I know Daddy loved me, I know Daddy knew I loved him.  The last thing I told him was I loved him.  I held his hand, and maybe it was my imagination, but I know he tried to squeeze it.  I told him over and over to rest and go enjoy as much golf as he wanted.   I don't believe in irony because I believe that God has His plan for our lives... but growing up I slept with Mama and Daddy until I was probably 12.  Mama fussed about his snoring... it comforted me.  I knew I was safe with him there.  As I grew older, I could hear him snoring from the room next me.  As I left him at the hospital, the last thing I heard coming from his room was snoring.  He was at peace.  I got to tell my daddy good-bye, and while it was the hardest thing in the world to do... I'm so glad I did.  I told him about all the people who loved him.  Those who texted or called me that day... had their name spoken over him.  I even sang "Jesus Loves Me" because I didn't want him to be scared to go.  I know he wanted to say, "Buh, now you need to just stop that cause that singing is awful".  Daddy was  honest with me, he was proud of me, and he knew I was the one he could call when he needed something.  He supported me in life, my work decisions, and with decisions about my children.  He knew everything... I shared many things I shouldn't have with him to make sure the decisions I was making made sense.  He was my sounding board.  I'm not real sure when I will miss him most, but I know my afternoon calls at 3:30 every day will be one of those times.  I cherished those talks and looked forward to them.  He talked to me Thursday night on my nightly walk around the golf course.  He told he was tired of all this and wanted me to come get it straightened out... he was ready to be off all that "dope".  It didn't register with me at the time, but I know that was his way of saying he was in too much pain to take anything else.  I got there Friday and his wishes took place.

  As I drove to Augusta, I started making notes in my phone because things popped into my head that I wanted to remember about the days that were so tough.  Kathryn and Tatum called and texted me during the ride.   They both have been through this and knew what I was feeling.  I like to think that our daddies are hanging out talking about how wonderful their daughters are... and watching over us to keep us straight.  

I picked up Betty Carol in Saluda, and she was a rock for our entire family.  She sat in the waiting room and held purses, entertained us, and gave us a smile when we needed it.  After everyone else went home and she and I were left, I told her it was time for me to go.  I was ready.  She and I went in one last time and she told Daddy bye too.  She told him it was time to rest.  She was right.  I had to explain to the nurses that she knew him long before any of the others who had been there.  I love the fact that God placed "in-laws" in my life who knew my daddy as a young teenager.  She knew so many things about Daddy that none of us did.  JMac has also entertained me with Daddy stories that let me know just how special he was.  

The nurses on the 6th floor of MCG were phenomenal when I got there.  They laughed with us, and they assured me that our decisions were for the best.  She said that Daddy had been telling her for days that he was ready to go home.  I knew I couldn't watch my daddy take his last breath.  I knew he would not want me to see that.  She told me they would make sure he was comfortable and continually resting.  I know they were truthful because every time I called they were in the room with him.  I could hear him snoring.  As I was driving home at almost midnight Friday, Brian texted me out of the blue.  He didn't think I'd be up, but I called him and talked to him all the way home from McCormick and told him all about Daddy.  It was wonderful to hear his voice... and I knew that I needed to run the funeral plans by him.  I think he was shocked that I had it all together already.   He would tell me if my ideas were "tacky".  He even checked on me Sunday to make sure we were still doing what I said.  

All day Saturday we waited.  Mama was busy ironing.  I knew she was working off nervous energy.  I called every two hours to check on Daddy and finally at 6:30 the doctor called and told us.  I was crying happy tears because I knew he was no longer miserable.  Mama and I were named Steel Magnolias during this entire saga... I just hope I don't wilt later.  Daddy was so funny about Mama... they fought like cats and dogs, talked to each other like they despised each other, but I know that they really did love each other... it's hard not to when you have been together over fifty years.  A few weeks ago we had to start wearing gloves and robes when we went in to see Daddy.  Mama had just finished feeding Daddy and was moving his tray when he got a grin on his face and said, "Ain't she cute in her little yellow waitress outfit waiting on me".  Mama would have slapped him if he hadn't been so sick. Daddy taught me there is always a reason to laugh... and to pick on people... and to not be so darn serious.  

Saturday, Ben sent me a message that said "Just thinking about a song: Butch will rise when the Lord calls his name no more sorrow no more pain!"...I know that my children's faith has been used this week, but I'm so glad that Ben used some on me.  Just when I would feel anxiety or hurt... someone would send me something to lift my spirits.  It's amazing how children can lift spirits when you are really trying to be strong for them... they are the strong ones.  

As I think about Daddy, there were so many good qualities that he had.  WE can forget those ugly ones now that he isn't here!  I looked out at all the people at his funeral (which by the way he had more than I had at my wedding)... and Mama was wrong... she always told him we would have to pay to have someone there because he never went to anything... but anyway... I looked at all those grown men... who have grayed over the years, grown pot bellies, and walked with a little limp and thought to myself that not one of them would deny wanting one more round of golf with him.  I think a lot of my daddy, and I'm pretty sure that I can count on one hand the men who wouldn't want to play golf with him.  I thought he was a great golfer, but I have heard from all his high school friends and McCormick people what a wonderful player of basketball he was.  He was an athlete that left his mark on all of us.  

Another trait of Daddy's was "let someone else do the work and you do the fun stuff"... I think this was his life motto.  The stories I have heard from Betty Carol and Jennings this week, from Kakee, from his cousins, from friends prove that Daddy never really did anything that he didn't want to do.  I think I may try to change my motto to that!  I witnessed this often growing up too.  Mama waited on him hand and foot.  I often told her she was an enabler when she would fuss about how lazy he was.  Recently on a trip to the hospital I told her that she shouldn't be so ugly to Daddy and fuss about him being lazy... she said no matter what I say to him I have done everything for him.  I chuckled because she was right... she complained, but it didn't stop her.  He got a jewel when he married her.  It only took about 24 hours for several of our friends to put their name on the list to be my step-daddy.  They want a wife like her... they want a Jane... one that lets them go to the golf course whenever they want and cooks, cleans, and washes clothes.  I'm sorry to say that she has already said, "I ain't washing no one else's Fruit of the Loom!".  I believe her too! 

 I was doing really well today until I turned on FoxNews.  Daddy would have been in hog heaven today watching the drama on television.  I can't help but think he stirred up a little bit of stuff to get all this media coverage today that is so interesting.  It's kept me completely occupied.  As Republican as he was, I always laughed when he would have it on CNN and MSNBC watching what they were saying.  I learned a lot from him doing that though... I learned that it's good to know both sides of the story before making your own opinion.  I learned that no one is ever completely right.  I learned that if you agree 100% with everything that someone is doing, then you really don't have a brain.  He taught me to listen to both sides before forming an opinion.... and his opinion often swung to the Republican side.  I'll carry your conservative views on for you Daddy!  

The rest of this post is to my family... I want each of you to know how much you were loved by him.  Each of you has a special trait from him that will keep him alive for many years to come.  

The sons~

Jim- Daddy's nightly coffee buddy, Braves watching, football watching, EATING, and gossiping buddy.  I can't help but look at Jim and see Daddy.  They are spitting images of each other.  Whenever we miss Daddy, we can just look at Jim.  He has helped with Daddy so much.  Jim would say he was Daddy's favorite because of their looks and their thoughts about telling people the truth.  If they think it, they say it... in other words... no filter.  Jim was always Daddy's partner in golf when Mark and Guille would play.  The grudge match will have to continue another day, but Jim will carry on the stories of how he and Daddy never lost to Mark and Guille.  Jim always said Daddy grew up with him and lived a second life of teenage years with him.  It was true.  The men at the funeral were many of Jim's friends, but they were Daddy's too because "Butch Daddy" would take care of them, fight for them, and lead them in the right direction.  My heart was full with all Jim's friends telling me how much they loved our daddy.  

Guille- He was there in the blink of an eye when Daddy needed him.  He would come by from the bank and check on Daddy ( and maybe sneak a little lunch)... but he was Daddy's favorite philosopher on situations that were on Daddy's mind... Guille could explain anything to him... give him perspective on things that Daddy might be confused about... and most importantly, fix that D@4# television when it would go out... thank God for that!  It's the small things that made Daddy happy... and that was the best!  Guille was also Daddy's chaperone on trips... he kept Daddy straight... kept Daddy in line... and delivered him safely back to Lincolnton without any issues!  

The girls~

Janice- He loved you.... I loved when he would call me and say, "Hot toe mighty... Janice is on fire!"... he would fill me in on whatever you were mad about and be so proud that you showed some emotion.  The funniest story about you and Daddy is when Jim was rushed to the hospital with a heart issue.  Daddy flew over to your house in the guppie... ran off the road and over something on the way to the hospital... and you kept telling him the car felt funny... and when you got to the hospital the tires were flat on one side of the car... and Jim wasn't even at the hospital yet... he had driven so fast he beat the ambulance.... that makes me laugh until I cry because that was Daddy's way... full speed to check on his babies... He also loved you so much because you let us have Cole Baby whenever we wanted.  He gained full respect for you a few years ago when you were willing to take the blame for Cole "Killing Butch".... the story is so funny now, but for a few minutes you thought Cole had killed Butch Daddy... instead of letting Butch Dog out of the pen and him getting run over.  You were going to take the blame with the police for Butch dying.  He knew you loved Cole and him!  

Christie- His sports girl... the one he sat and talked to about basketball... about Thomas and sports... and about all the wrongs with athletics today.  Things have changed since Daddy played!  He loved when you would get on a roll and possibly let a word slip... Daddy loved a southern belle who had a slip of the tongue sometimes!  Thank you for giving him two boys to love and for sharing those boys with him.  He called me a few times about you with the "Hot toe mighty" too!  He supported you 100% in your decisions, and I'm thrilled that he knew your plans for the future.  He loved you like his own... and I have to admit you were pretty lucky to have him as a father-in-law.  You gave him the best compliment when you said he made you feel like he loved you just like one of his own.  

The grandsons and granddaughters

Cole- "Cole Baby" the first one... as Cole and I said goodbye Friday night, I know that Cole was overcome with the many memories of Butch being his friend, granddaddy, and supporter.  He loved you so much.  He loved how smart you were, he loved that you could tinker with things and make them work, and he loved that you changed women like underwear.  If he could have one wish it would be for you to keep your hair short and to put a little milk on the end of your chin so the cat could lick that fur off!  He loved you beyond love... you were something none of the others were... you were the first.  

Thomas- "Baby Thom"... the one who looks so much like Daddy... the one who lost his best friend Saturday night... the one who loved Georgia football as much as him... the one who would sit for hours and watch sports with him... the one who would rather sit around with a seventy year old man than go out with friends... one day you will look back and cherish those memories... He loved you in your unique way... he loved your personality...he loved your political views... and he loved that you knew just how "stupid" some people were when they really didn't know themselves.  You are scary smart in that respect and don't ever doubt that Butch loved you.  

Katie Britt- "Sis"... the first granddaughter... the one who Daddy would see and tell her how beautiful she was... he loved your hair curled... he loved when you would want a milkshake or ice cream because that meant he could have one too... he said a few weeks ago, "You know you aren't going to have to pay a dime for her to go to school because all that Mattison smart is coming out in her "... I'm not sure if that is true or not, but let's go with that!  When we told him we were moving, he was aware of everything and told us to do what we needed to do.  He came to visit us in Woodruff after we got here and said, "I'm so glad y'all are here.  This is great.  I love this."... Daddy missed us in Lincolnton, but he loved that we were in a place that made us all happy.  He loved you Sis... you were lucky to have a Butch!  

Julianne- "JuJu"... the spunky one... the one he loved to watch storm in... put Jim in his place... get her way... and at two control the entire family's schedule.  He thought you were beautiful, just like Jane, and beat to your own drum... and he was right.  He never had to worry about a boy running over you or treating you badly because you would take care of yourself.  I think he had a special bond with you because of your likeness with Mama.  He would often say, "Look at Jane coming out in her"... that's the best compliment you can get!  

Ben- "Boo"... the one who got his "sporting" abilities according to him... he got to watch you play basketball this year and always wanted a play by play of your football games... but the real sport that mattered to him was golf... the last time you saw him he told you to go in his bag and get whatever you wanted out... He said he might play again one day, but he didn't need that stuff... I know now he was telling you good bye... last Monday I told him you were having a hard first nine holes and I was on the way to watch the last nine... his words were, "Tell Mark to get his a>> away from him and Tell Ben to play it one foot past the hole"... I hope you remember that last piece of advice every time you pick up those clubs.  I know all you wanted was for him to see you in one of your tournaments... he can now... he will be with you on the course every time you play!  You are also the only grandchild who got his left-handedness... he shared that bond with you too.  You will miss hearing his voice each afternoon when we would call him too, but just know that he loved you with all his heart.  

James- "Jamesy"... the baby... the one with the tender heart... the one who would still crawl into his lap and watch any and every sporting event that interested the two of you... his favorite story of you is the one when you flew hot after the Georgia / Georgia Tech game... I may even have to pull for Georgia this year just to support y'all's love for it!  He was so proud of your baseball abilities... I know he was watching Saturday night as you brought home the championship.  I know that he will be watching over you as you continue to play... and on your first day in your new school... he will be there... just think of that big ole Butch there to support you.  His arms will wrap around you like they did when you sat in his lap!  

And Mark- How many things can I say about your relationship with my daddy?  Sometimes I think he liked you better than me... I know our first years of dating you spent more time with him on the golf course than you did with me... I know that your adventures with him made many laughable moments that I'm not going to post here because my children would be appalled one day... I can only pray that Ben's future wife has a daddy that will take him in like Daddy did you.  The best advice you ever gave me was about 10 years ago when Daddy had an appointment and I was debating on going or not... "You will always have a job and it will always be here... your Daddy won't always be here and you need to go"... The best words ever said to me... the hundreds of trips to appointments helped me understand everything that was going on with Daddy... and it gives me peace now to not have a single regret... I did every thing I could for Daddy while he was here because of you.  

Daddy loved babies and babies loved Daddy.... Amberly and Ward were extra special babies to us.... Butch, at one time, was a granddaddy figure to them.  Amberly loved to play "I got you last" with Daddy... he loved to feed her chocolate.  Ward loved my daddy as much as a little boy could... We got lots of practice with children before the real grandchildren came around... He had a special bond with them... He picked on them both... he loved them both!  

As for me... I think I was his favorite... even though every single one of the ones listed above think the same thing... I was special because he taught me so many things without even realizing it.  I am still learning from him even though he isn't here... the best advice I received this weekend from one of my distant cousins was a soft whisper in my ear...  "You will always miss your daddy and it's okay".  Her daddy has been gone 38 years, and it gave me such comfort to know that it's okay to still hurt, and wish, and cry for the man who made such a difference in my life.  I'm so glad I have such a strong support system during this time.  I have strong women who have let me know that this time will be tough, but it will be comforting too.  

This Father's Day I will choose to celebrate Daddy's life in special memories.  I am one of the "my daddy is no longer here club"... but it's okay... I have a Father in Heaven who provides me comfort knowing that my earthly father is no longer in pain, no longer suffering, and no longer longing for a life he would never have again.  

I love you Butchie!