Being a teacher I have had many first days of schools... in fact, since I was five years old I have had a first day of school each year of my life whether it be as a student or a teacher... one would think I had gotten the hang of them, but this year is a little different. I think it is has finally hit me....
I remember my first day of school for K-5. I had a white "leisure" suit with a red printed shirt and an apple on the pocket of the jacket that matched. I remember clinging to Mama's leg and screaming because I didn't want to stay.... Mama left me.... but I made it through the half day.
I remember my first day of second grade when we moved to Lincolnton and Mama spoke to everyone and told me who all I was "kin" to at the school...it was odd for her to know everyone. Little did I know that the children I met that day would walk across the graduation stage with me ten years later.
I remember my first day in sixth grade because I was paranoid that my Bunny Rabbit Association was showing through the red shirt I had on.... I was worried sick about that!
I remember my first day of eighth grade and asking if I could go to the bathroom and the coach telling me I couldn't... I was crushed and cried to the point that I had to be checked out....
I remember my first day of my tenth grade year... I wore a red dress! I wanted so badly to be cute... but my hair was awful because it was so HOT!
I remember the first day of college classes and thinking how easy it was to get to an eleven o'clock class.... the next day I realized how much I hated college.
I remember my first day of teaching... I wore Bass Bucks and a denim jumper.... while the students said the pledge I had to lean against my podium because I was shaking so bad.
As the years went on, the days of me focused on my first days went to my children's first days..... I will never forget dropping off KB at the sitter my first day back at work after having her... I cried and thought I was the worst mama that ever walked the face of the earth.... To the mama who is dropping off her child for the first time at the sitter tomorrow.... the tears will come, but you will be so excited to spend time with that little baby the moment you hold them in your arms that afternoon.
KB's first day of school was another hard day... Her granddaddy had to take her... I cried for weeks before... how could a school teacher love her as much as I did...and how could a room full of children get the love they needed from one person. I've never been more excited to see her little face come through my classroom door and give me a hug... she loved it!
Ben's first day of school was really hard because I knew I no longer had a baby in my house. He smiled, he loved his teacher, and he was excited to go back the next day.... He survived and made me look silly for even thinking that he wouldn't be able to handle it.
KB's first day of middle school she should have actually been in elementary school... I was worried about her going to school with 8th graders, but she survived and she loved every minute of it... In fact.... the best four years of her life so far have been in middle school.
Last year was the first year that I was able to go take Ben to school as a mama... It was wonderful... I cried... he didn't.... we both survived and I treasure that moment! To the mamas who get to take their children... hug them really hard... some mamas don't get to!
I have made it through all these years... I have cried at just about every one of these moments... and I have survived without any wounds.... I can see where God has held each of my children in His hands and given them loving teachers and adults in the building who care about them. This is why I moved home.... this is why I love living here.... our teachers truly treat these children as their own... sometimes that is good... and sometimes they scold them... but I respect them and thank them for doing that!
In all these first days.... I have never experienced sending a high school child to school for the first day.... Can I walk her in? Probably not. Can I kiss her goodbye? You bet, I kissed Daddy goodbye every morning until I could drive to school. Can I pray that she embraces these next four years and lives life to the fullest? Sure I can, and I'm also praying that I let her! Tonight, she asked me about going on a date... ARE. YOU. KIDDING. ME? Why no... you can't... not yet... you are 14.... Yeah.... I'm going to shelter you just a little bit more. It's funny how I have set up stepping stones of worry throughout her life... I thought the entire time I was pregnant I wouldn't have to worry after she got here... then I thought I wouldn't have to worry after she could walk and talk... then I thought if she learns how to read I won't have to worry... then I thought if she can make a friend I won't have to worry.... right now.... I just hope she will make it through tomorrow as a first day freshman... let her confidence shine.... let her love of learning glow... and let her mama find a peace in knowing that she survived all those other firsts... and she can do this too!
I probably won't sleep much tonight.... I never do the night before school starts... but I do hope that whatever "firsts" may be occurring tomorrow for the students and parents of our schools... that tears of joy stream down faces and the sadness quickly turns to happiness! I'm also hoping that when I wake up in the morning that I still have a little girl who comes down the steps in a smocked dress with a big bow and little boy who is dragging his blankets and has a pi-pi.... again... I would love to have a remote control to life so I could fast forward, rewind, and pause....
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