Changes~

     I hated baby dolls growing up.... I think Mama bought me about five or six throughout my younger years... but I didn't like them... I loved holding a real baby though!  I liked real things!  For little girls...if you didn't play dolls... you played school.  That was me!  From the time I can remember...even way back to when I was four years old... I played school.  I mocked my teacher and everything she did.  I had a coffee cup in my room, a chalkboard, and a real grade book.  I had a cat named "Doober" who had to raise her hand for free lunch everyday... and she got in trouble for always sleeping in class.  I was in my element... I loved talking and acting like I was in control of the classroom.... the best days were when I was at Boo-Ma's house and Leah and Bobbie would have their own rooms too.... And look where we are now! 
     I'm not real sure where this post is going, but I know that I am sitting here tonight writing because I need to capture this memory...good or bad.  It's one of those times that I feel like I am on the verge of tears.  Many people email me and tell me that my post has made them cry... that is not my intention... I just write what pops out of my fingers... no filter... tonight... that emotional build up is overwhelming.   I'm afraid it will be who tears up!   I have a lot going on in my life right now... I almost had a nervous break-down yesterday afternoon because I sat in an MRI machine for an hour ( something is obviously wrong with my back because I can't bend over, stand up, or sit down without lots of pain)... I have a thirteen year old who is starting her last year of middle school tomorrow and it scares me to think that it seems it was just yesterday that she went to Pre-K.  I have a little boy who knows more than he should about lots of things... and seeing his heart these past few months has kept me teary-eyed.  But I think the thing that bothers me most... is the teaching. 
     This past year has been hard...for lack of a better word.  I didn't say no to anything and stayed in a "mess" all year long.  It didn't take but about two months of the new job for Mark to say that something had to give.  I can remember sitting at the Huddle House (he is such a romantic date) and him looking at me and saying, "You are doing a great job trying to raise everyone else's children in this town, but you are leaving your two behind!".... It was that night that the idea of me giving up a few things came to being.  I kept a lump in my throat at each event... at all the ballgames, at all the matches, and even in the classroom... I knew that I would give up coaching and teaching. 
     After being in the classroom almost 20 years... I won't be there anymore as a teacher.  This next year will be filled with wonder and excitement... and I am guessing a little bit of sadness.  I will miss the children and the excitement of game day, I will miss being in the know of all the fun things, and I will miss the friendships I made with some of children and teachers.  I'm not missing spending the night in a dorm, creating the football program, and riding on a bus to the games!  In all honesty though,  I am going to miss cheerleading and golf!  I'm going to miss the classroom the most.
     Working part-time is going to be good for me.  I can already tell that some of the things I have missed the past thirteen years being a mama are finally getting done.  This afternoon I made little treats for all the third grade children in Ben's class.   Not much.... but I had time to do it!  (Mama came and helped me too!)  I'm excited that for the first time I get to take my children to school... I'm excited that I get to pick up my children from school... I'm excited that I get to be with them and hear all about their day firsthand instead of over the phone! 
    This past year has made me realize what a blessing my children are to me... yes, they drive me crazy at least once a day, but I am so lucky to have them!  I know I can never replace this past year of being gone except for a couple of hours each day from them, but I am going to do my best to make it up to them this year!  It's a shame KB doesn't think it is cool to hang out with me...except maybe when she needs my debit card!  Ben has already ordered a "homemade" snack for tomorrow afternoon! 
     Tonight I go to bed with butterflies for my children, my children's teachers, and for me... we all start a new journey tomorrow... may we make the most of it, may we find the good in every moment, and may we make memories that last a lifetime!