I really believe that I could be diagnosed with ADD... This morning as I was sitting in church, I was listening to a missionary discuss giving "your" testimony, and I didn't really hear much else he said. My mind wandered just like a child with ADD. I don't think I have a testimony.
From the time I can remember...I have been in church. It was never an option, or a choice, or even a struggle... I went to church. My first memories of church were sitting in Daddy's lap watching the choir. I remember questioning him as to why he didn't have his eyes closed during the prayer... he said, "Because you don't!"... later Mama explained to me that I didn't have to close my eyes to pray. I totally understand that now.
I remember vividly the day I went into our pastor's office and told him that I asked Jesus into my heart. I remember him smiling...he was an older man... and I remember thinking how much I wanted to cry... but I didn't want him to think I was a baby. That Sunday I walked down the aisle and joined the church. I remember the chills... the tears in my eyes... and how good my heart felt at nine years old. I don't remember the day Mr. Daniels baptized me though... I was thinking maybe I should...but that baptism wasn't the important part...it was the "showy" part.
I had very strong Sunday School teachers growing up. They wanted me to learn Bible verses... study my lesson before I came to church... and be able to tell my parents what the "story" was about that day. I had a great foundation. When I moved up to the youth department, I remember my teacher asking the question...."If this were your last week on earth...write down what you would do every day of the week"... I took a little time and filled in my nice little sheet with the days of the week on it. I remember putting that I would read my Bible every day and sit down to supper with my family at night. At the end of the lesson...she made us think about what we had written and realize that this could be our last week here... and to always live that way. I took that to heart, and throughout the next three to four years... I read my Bible every day. I had a devotion of some kind. My life was great at that time. I was happier than I could have ever imagined... I was reaching small goal after small goal I had... I dreamed of being a Red Devil Cheerleader... I dreamed of having a crown on my head that was mine...not my mama's... and I dreamed of having friends that I could have fun with... My life was perfect~
When I went to college, I started out doing all the right things, but then I starting making choices that were mine... and not necessarily the right things. I am proud to say that I have never done drugs...or anything illegal...I have never been arrested...I have never even been questioned by a cop except to ask me why I was speeding. I had a great time in college... I went out whenever anyone called and asked me...and I was always the one who said let's stay a little longer... Wow...I have changed since then! Those days were not as easy as high school. I went from being a big fish in a little pond....to being a minnow in an ocean... It was awful. I was having fun, but I wasn't happy. I cried every week on Sunday... I hated that drive back to school...I would count down the hours until I could come home. I feel sure God was trying to lead me back to Him and surrender and beg Him to give me peace, but I was determined I was going to make myself happy by finishing college at a school away from Lincolnton.
Mark and I got married and moved to Greenville.... I just thought I was miserable in Statesboro. I cried all the time... the only difference... I was working in a Christian school and we went to church~ I was seeing signs that I would be okay eventually...but I just had to live in the valley for a little longer until Mark could be home with me at night and we could be like the sitcoms...married... supper every night together...going to the movies...hanging out... we didn't have that. My misery was because I was alone... Mark was gone all the time... little did I know that God was leading me in the path to be strong on my own.... to handle things on my own...
When I got pregnant with KB...it was the worst 7 1/2 months of my life... I was sick all day every day... I was in the hospital three times before she was born... but I knew God was with me. At one point I thought I was having a miscarriage and I was talking to Daddy on the phone... he said, "It is all up to the Big Man upstairs...He will take care of it"... and He did... Moments before I was knocked out for an emergency c-section...my doctor leaned over and kissed me on the cheek and said, "Let's get this baby out, and you are going to be just fine!"... I closed my eyes knowing that God was the only one who could make me better. The day after KB was born, my nurse came in and asked if she could pray with me... Without a doubt... God was there. Even though I hadn't been following him like I should... He was there.
Being pregnant with Ben was no different. I was sick with another rare pregnancy syndrome...I remember waiting for the call from the doctor to tell me my blood results. Mark was at work, KB was on the floor of my bedroom watching Clifford...and I sat on my bathroom floor and cried harder than I had ever cried... and I begged God to let me feel better... to make me better... to please let that little fellow in me make it. It would be about two weeks later that the little bundle of joy would make it into this world. God was there... He heard me... He knew I needed that little stinker in my life every day to keep me straight!
God was also teaching me patience. In my heart I longed to be back home. It didn't take but 11 years of longing for that to come true... Sometimes I call longing... praying.... I thank God all the time for letting me be here with my family.
My family is very fortunate. I have a loving, providing, caring husband... I have a beautiful little girl that is growing into a teenager right before my eyes... she has her own talents and I believe with all my heart that one day she is going to do something great with those talents. I also have a precious baby boy that will always be my baby boy... his eyes my make heart smile...his love of life... being outside... and saying he loves me my feel like God is all over him!
While my family has never had "hard times"...like many of my friends and other family members... we have had our issues that seem to resolve themselves with a little prayer, kindness, and reality checks! So when I ask myself if I have a testimony... I really don't... I really don't have anything that anyone wants to listen to... I think my life is simple, plain, boring... not much to stand up in front of a church and say...
BUT... I wouldn't change it for a thing... I have some pretty big things going on in my life right now. I have lots of changes coming my way at home and work... I am hoping that I remember my life of being cool and calm will continue because I have God on my side. He is here... He is with me...and He will see me through whatever comes my way.
Finally, growing up Mama always taught me that when I was afraid, scared, or worried... to recite the prayer "Dear Lord, Help me to remember that nothing can happen that you and I together can't handle"... Oh how true that statement is... so if someone doesn't know that... God will help you through anything... that is my testimony in a sentence... no matter how miserable you seem, how hard your life is, or how bad your track record is...God doesn't care what the problem is~ He can handle it.
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