April 27, 2012

Dear Amberly,

        I can hardly believe that tomorrow we celebrate with a shower for you to have a baby.  It seems like just yesterday that I was at University Hospital waiting on you to be born.  I was so excited that Velda was going to have me a real, live baby doll!  I never dreamed that I would love you so much. 

        I spent the first five years of your life with you just about every day.  I would always spend the night on Saturdays and when you would start crying on Sunday morning, I would run get you and put you in the bed with me.  I would pretend that you were my very own.  I loved spending the weekends with you!

        When I could finally drive, I would come and pick you up to take you to ride around town.  Those were the best… no car seat, loud music, and we car danced.  I thought you were so sweet the night we won Miss Lincoln County Green.  You wanted a crown on your trophy and stopped right on stage to put it there!  You were my topic for my senior monologue ~ I remember pretending to be you and talking like you.  You were a huge part of me growing up~ a little sister like I never had!

        I loved every moment of getting you ready for special days and even your proms.  Our trips to the beach would not have been the same without you and your buddies!  I will always have a special place in my heart for Amanda, Carrie, Dee, and Reed... somehow they were always with you when we went somewhere!   I was so excited when you chose Furman for college. I was even more excited when Stephie Britt came along to take care of you!  :) 

        Today, I want to tell you how proud I am of you.  You have excelled at everything you have ever tried.  You have a sweet spirit, and your faith is beyond amazing.  I love that you are not afraid to let everyone know how much you love the Lord!  You and Phil are going to make wonderful parents~

        There are no words to prepare you for the emotional roller coaster you are about to go on the next few years.  I can’t tell you how much you will love that little boy.  In your eyes he will be perfect and never do anything wrong.  I am so excited to meet your fellow!  There is no gift that I could give you better than that of prayer.  I promise to pray for you, for Phil, and for Hudson.  I pray that you will have strength to get through those hard days, for patience to listen to him cry that first night, and for the wisdom to know it is okay to break down and cry when you can’t handle it anymore.  The best thing you can do for yourself and Hudson is to ask for help when you need it.  I am here!  I will help you whenever I can. 

        In all seriousness, I want to give you the gift of time.  You and Phil are going to need a weekend away a few months after he is born.  I do hope you will call me and let me keep him~ I promise to love him, squeeze him, and spoil him rotten… besides… it wouldn’t be so bad if he turned out just like you! 

        Good luck these next few months!  You are going to make a wonderful mama!

Love,

Buh

Wow...Things Sure Have Changed....

     Tonight was one of those rare nights...the kind that supper was served at 6:00... I had time to do all my "chores" before we ate...and we had "family time" after we ate.  Tonight... KB and Ben chose to play Monopoly.
     When I was little, I loved to play monopoly.  Guille and I always played in the den floor... Mama and Daddy would be at work, and we would watch television and play.  He taught me everything I ever needed to know about the game.  He taught me to always check the banker... He was the banker, but he cheated every chance he got.  He taught me to always read the fine lines on the card.  Somehow he always got to buy houses when he didn't own all the properties of the group, but I ended up having to have all the colors in a group before I could buy.  He taught me how to negotiate... He let me know that charging him just a little over what I paid for it was the "nice" thing to do.  I am not sure I ever won a game of monopoly...heck we may not have even finished it.  Honestly though, I think I just remember the "fun" we had growing up and him babysitting me in the summer... he was so nice to let me make his bed up, cook his lunch, and get him a refill of sweet tea when he needed it. 
     As we got ready to play tonight's game, I never dreamed how much one thing could change... the tokens now are cellphones and cheeseburgers... the money...there is none... there is an electronic calculator and can you believe that you get 2 million dollars just for passing go?  Properties now are outrageous and instead of waterworks and the power company... you can get internet service and cell phone service.  With all those changes though... one thing stays the same... CHEATERS will always be at a round of monopoly. 
     It's funny how God prepares you all your life for the rest of your life... all those summer days with Guille taught me to be on guard for those that try to "swindle" your money... I can catch someone in a heartbeat!  Ask my students... they know I know when they are cheating immediately!  God prepared me for living with Mark... he tried every turn he got to cheat... He would "accidently" put his card in the plus side instead of the minus side... he would accidently put a hotel on the board instead of a house... and he would accidently count just enough spaces that he didn't have to pay rent.  I'm wondering if I am the only one who is so lucky to play with people like Mark and Guille... It is kind of ironic... the three of us... ending up in the jobs we have... Guille...a banker... Mark... a salesman... and me... a teacher... We began learning our skills early... and we are still using them.  I have big dreams for my babies... I hope they are learning early to watch out for those around them... even their friends and family!  :)

Testimony? Do I have one?

I really believe that I could be diagnosed with ADD... This morning as I was sitting in church, I was listening to a missionary discuss giving "your" testimony, and I didn't really hear much else he said. My mind wandered just like a child with ADD. I don't think I have a testimony.
From the time I can remember...I have been in church. It was never an option, or a choice, or even a struggle... I went to church. My first memories of church were sitting in Daddy's lap watching the choir. I remember questioning him as to why he didn't have his eyes closed during the prayer... he said, "Because you don't!"... later Mama explained to me that I didn't have to close my eyes to pray. I totally understand that now.
I remember vividly the day I went into our pastor's office and told him that I asked Jesus into my heart. I remember him smiling...he was an older man... and I remember thinking how much I wanted to cry... but I didn't want him to think I was a baby. That Sunday I walked down the aisle and joined the church. I remember the chills... the tears in my eyes... and how good my heart felt at nine years old. I don't remember the day Mr. Daniels baptized me though... I was thinking maybe I should...but that baptism wasn't the important part...it was the "showy" part.
I had very strong Sunday School teachers growing up. They wanted me to learn Bible verses... study my lesson before I came to church... and be able to tell my parents what the "story" was about that day. I had a great foundation. When I moved up to the youth department, I remember my teacher asking the question...."If this were your last week on earth...write down what you would do every day of the week"... I took a little time and filled in my nice little sheet with the days of the week on it. I remember putting that I would read my Bible every day and sit down to supper with my family at night. At the end of the lesson...she made us think about what we had written and realize that this could be our last week here... and to always live that way. I took that to heart, and throughout the next three to four years... I read my Bible every day. I had a devotion of some kind. My life was great at that time. I was happier than I could have ever imagined... I was reaching small goal after small goal I had... I dreamed of being a Red Devil Cheerleader... I dreamed of having a crown on my head that was mine...not my mama's... and I dreamed of having friends that I could have fun with... My life was perfect~
When I went to college, I started out doing all the right things, but then I starting making choices that were mine... and not necessarily the right things. I am proud to say that I have never done drugs...or anything illegal...I have never been arrested...I have never even been questioned by a cop except to ask me why I was speeding. I had a great time in college... I went out whenever anyone called and asked me...and I was always the one who said let's stay a little longer... Wow...I have changed since then! Those days were not as easy as high school. I went from being a big fish in a little pond....to being a minnow in an ocean... It was awful. I was having fun, but I wasn't happy. I cried every week on Sunday... I hated that drive back to school...I would count down the hours until I could come home. I feel sure God was trying to lead me back to Him and surrender and beg Him to give me peace, but I was determined I was going to make myself happy by finishing college at a school away from Lincolnton.
Mark and I got married and moved to Greenville.... I just thought I was miserable in Statesboro. I cried all the time... the only difference... I was working in a Christian school and we went to church~ I was seeing signs that I would be okay eventually...but I just had to live in the valley for a little longer until Mark could be home with me at night and we could be like the sitcoms...married... supper every night together...going to the movies...hanging out... we didn't have that. My misery was because I was alone... Mark was gone all the time... little did I know that God was leading me in the path to be strong on my own.... to handle things on my own...
When I got pregnant with KB...it was the worst 7 1/2 months of my life... I was sick all day every day... I was in the hospital three times before she was born... but I knew God was with me. At one point I thought I was having a miscarriage and I was talking to Daddy on the phone... he said, "It is all up to the Big Man upstairs...He will take care of it"... and He did... Moments before I was knocked out for an emergency c-section...my doctor leaned over and kissed me on the cheek and said, "Let's get this baby out, and you are going to be just fine!"... I closed my eyes knowing that God was the only one who could make me better. The day after KB was born, my nurse came in and asked if she could pray with me... Without a doubt... God was there. Even though I hadn't been following him like I should... He was there.
Being pregnant with Ben was no different. I was sick with another rare pregnancy syndrome...I remember waiting for the call from the doctor to tell me my blood results. Mark was at work, KB was on the floor of my bedroom watching Clifford...and I sat on my bathroom floor and cried harder than I had ever cried... and I begged God to let me feel better... to make me better... to please let that little fellow in me make it. It would be about two weeks later that the little bundle of joy would make it into this world. God was there... He heard me... He knew I needed that little stinker in my life every day to keep me straight!
God was also teaching me patience. In my heart I longed to be back home. It didn't take but 11 years of longing for that to come true... Sometimes I call longing... praying.... I thank God all the time for letting me be here with my family.
My family is very fortunate. I have a loving, providing, caring husband... I have a beautiful little girl that is growing into a teenager right before my eyes... she has her own talents and I believe with all my heart that one day she is going to do something great with those talents. I also have a precious baby boy that will always be my baby boy... his eyes my make heart smile...his love of life... being outside... and saying he loves me my feel like God is all over him!
While my family has never had "hard times"...like many of my friends and other family members... we have had our issues that seem to resolve themselves with a little prayer, kindness, and reality checks! So when I ask myself if I have a testimony... I really don't... I really don't have anything that anyone wants to listen to... I think my life is simple, plain, boring... not much to stand up in front of a church and say...
BUT... I wouldn't change it for a thing... I have some pretty big things going on in my life right now. I have lots of changes coming my way at home and work... I am hoping that I remember my life of being cool and calm will continue because I have God on my side. He is here... He is with me...and He will see me through whatever comes my way.
Finally, growing up Mama always taught me that when I was afraid, scared, or worried... to recite the prayer "Dear Lord, Help me to remember that nothing can happen that you and I together can't handle"... Oh how true that statement is... so if someone doesn't know that... God will help you through anything... that is my testimony in a sentence... no matter how miserable you seem, how hard your life is, or how bad your track record is...God doesn't care what the problem is~ He can handle it.

Fun, Fun, Fun

I don't even know where to start.
The past two weekends have been moments that I will remember forever. Mark and I have been blessed with wonderful friends over the years. Friends were something that I had a hard time with growing up... we moved five times until I was in the 2nd grade... I don't have memories of being close with anyone... I didn't spend the night with anyone... I didn't have people spend the night with me. I am not sure if I thought Mama and Daddy would pack up and leave me in the middle of the night... or if maybe one of my older brothers told me they would...so I lived in fear of being away from Mama and Daddy.
When we moved to Lincolnton, I was fortunate enough to be in a class with a huge group of girls. Depending on what we were doing or where we were going... I could be involved or not. I never felt the pressure of doing something I shouldn't because there was never a time that we ALL got involved in something...except for maybe when we got shot at... (another story). Anyway... I never experienced that "best friend".
When Mark and I got married, we moved to Greenville. He would leave on Sunday afternoons and fly back in on Friday nights. God placed a special angel in my path named Holly. She was buddy, we hung out, and we entertained each other while our husbands were on the road. Not long after I met Holly, she told me she was trying to have a baby... I was as far away from that as I wanted! She also told me about this new girl who was coming to town. Kathryn had gone to college with Holly and she was "so much fun". I have to admit that I was a little jealous that this new girl would be taking my time away from Holly... needless to say... Kathryn is now a part of my life... through emails, texts, phone calls, one-liners... I think of her daily. I should have known how much she would mean to me the first night I met her because she made a pie...that didn't "set up"... and she handled it beautifully! The next day her husband, Mike, invited us to go play golf... The four of us have been thick as thieves since then. She has been there with me through it all... I could tell her things that I couldn't tell anyone else. She knew me so well that when I was in the hospital about a month before KB was born... she could tell I was down and walked in the door with McDonald's apple pies... She knows me like a sister would....
Not long after Mike and Kathryn moved to Greenville, Mark's best friend growing up moved near us too! He ended up working with Mark, so we were all together all the time. I can remember the night I knew he was hooked on Tatum. I had invited him to eat supper...and usually...he would leave... but he asked me to come sit on the screened porch with him. I think we sat there two hours with him telling me how perfect she was for him. Of course she joined right in our little group and we have traveled on a cruise, to Las Vegas, Hilton Head... anywhere we can imagine... we go! Tatum is one of the most thoughtful people I have ever met. On the night before KB went to K-5, she called and told me that she had a little gift for her. While KB may not remember what it was... I do... and I think of it every year on the first day of school. She goes above and beyond in kindness, thoughtfullness, and manners... Sometimes she can't get a word in because I talk so much!

We started our two weekends of fun by everyone meeting at our house last Friday night. After sitting around and watching the Masters, we went to eat at Soap Creek. The six of us hadn't been together in a year. No one would have known it because we picked up right where we left off. After supper...we came home and played in my attic (looked for clothes to fit their girls). The next morning we got up bright and early to head to Augusta. Mike had a surprise from his boss for us~ we got to eat in the tent that the Champions Dinner is held in... a buffet with everything you can imagine... While I love a pimento cheese or egg salad, I wouldn't have given up this meal for anything! After lunch, we headed over to Eisenhower Cabin and walked around like we were important... We laughed, we watched golf, and we enjoyed friendship.
This past weekend... we went on our annual trip to Hilton Head for the Heritage. I could type for hours about the laughs I had on this trip... We literally laughed until we cried. Many things are too much for a blog, but I know that they will never be forgotten!
This year the trip was different. Normally, I have a homesickness and I am ready to come home. This time... I was so sad to be leaving my friends. I am not sure if it was because I knew it would be a year before we were all together again, if I was sad because I haven't laughed this hard in so long, or if my children were happy when I called and didn't think they missed me.
Last night I almost couldn't eat my supper because I was thinking about how sad I was... this group of six... we have been through a lot together... Mike and I are the only two who still have our daddies with us... each death has been different... but we have felt the deaths like they were our very own. Several times this weekend I thought about Jefferson's daddy... I heard Jefferson laugh coming up behind me and I said... that sounds just like Lee.... I thought about Bobby... I know he was with us in spirit... we made fun of things he did on the golf course... I know Kathrn's daddy would have enjoyed the giggles we had with two of his daughters sitting with us. And of course I thought about Tatum's daddy because the last time I saw him was in Hilton Head.
This morning I got up early to a text from Jeffo... he brought tears to my eyes...said he hadn't felt this way since his daddy died... melancholy... he got it... Mike had it too... got a text from Mike saying he wished these last two weekends could last forever. I feel the same way big guys... I miss ya'll so much already.
We discussed selling our houses and moving into campers on Jefferson's land, but I'm afraid we might better keep working. If we want to keep going to HHI every year...we are going to need the money!
These weekends are more special now because we don't see each other everyday... I'm afraid if we saw each other every day I may have to be ugly to them when they snap their fingers and tell me that I need to hurry up...Thank you God for these precious friends who made me laugh until I cried, who made me almost wet my pants, and who made me feel so good about getting a cab when everyone else had failed!

Moments to Remember...

Life is about memories... today... as I seemed a little too focused on what people were discussing about me... I received a random text... I have decided it wasn't so random...it was meant to redirect my thinking... to focus on the things that matter...to focus on the things that will be very important later...to focus on my babies...

From Ben's teacher:
"Ben made me laugh... He says I'm the catcher for my team! I said that is great and he pulls out a cup (it didn't even register with me) and I was like what is that... He says u know it goes on the private area... lol! He is a trip!

While I would like to hang him by his toes... I laughed... and I know I shouldn't have... but I love this story! I couldn't have written it better~

It also makes my heart feel real good to get an email from one of KB's teachers who told me she was like her own. Whether she meant it or not... it made me appreciate her, be thankful for her, and pray that KB will always be special to someone.

Thank you God for putting my babies with teachers who care and love them.