It's been two years since I've seen you, but I still feel like you are right here with us. As soon as I want to feel sappy or get emotional, I'm quickly reminded that as long as Ben is here... you are here. I know you would be so proud of him this year.... and quite a few times you would have been able to say "Buh, his ass won't hold what it needs!".
As I watched him play Fall Ball and grow into an athlete who had potential, I knew it came from you. As I watched him play ball for his middle school and become a leader.... I knew it came from you. As I watched him step on the golf course as a varsity player... I knew it came from you. As I watched him make All A's... well... I knew that didn't come from you, but you would have been proud of him. He's started driving, he's a ladies' (yes, plural) man, and he's a charmer to adults.... he did get that from you. He stays for hours on the golf course and doesn't want to come home until he gets things just right. He loves to laugh at other people. He loves to tease me, and he loves to eat. How can I be sad when I'm reminded daily of you by him? Last week when he came in to kiss me goodnight, I told him all he needed was a cigarette to smell just like you. He had been playing golf all day and smelled terrible... like a "goat" as Mama used to say!
One of the last things you said to KB was she will be able to go to school for free. Well, it's not quite free, but she has done so well and is getting a lot of help! She made the Presidential Dean's List both semesters... she didn't get that from you. She enjoyed representing Clemson this year as a member of Tiger Pride... even though you wouldn't admit it... you'd be happy she was a part of the group and participated in the National Championship parade. She loves football like you... She reminds me of you too... not in her looks or actions... but what she says. She loves to call people out when they do stupid things... she loves to question why people aren't real ( they say one thing and do another)... and she loves write someone off like you did... what reminds me most of you is the fact that she sits and watches hours and hours of television... and needs a little snack... a little something sweet... let's me know she has a little piece of you... her hands and legs... and little butt that I know can end up big like mine and yours are there too!
And Mama... wow... this past year she decided to take us all on a cruise... and she didn't get to go because of her back...she had back surgery two weeks ago and hopefully she is on the mend, but we have teased her quite often that you are haunting her. Hopefully, we can go again and she will be there! Jim dropped us off at the hospital for the surgery and he told her "If you would stand up straight and hold your shoulders back... you wouldn't need this"... He has told her to get up and walk... and he's taken every opportunity he's had to pick on her. He sounds JUST like you. I laugh when she tells me that she apologizes every morning for not waiting on you hand and foot with a cheerful heart. Can you believe that she watches the Braves every day now? She makes her schedule for the day around that... and I can't call her in the afternoons because she is watching those stupid westerns you used to love to watch... if you were here.... I'm afraid y'all's lives would be totally different and you would be all sappy with each other. I'm not sure we would be able to handle it! Jim, Guille, and I are about to embark on taking care of her while she heals at home. Guille will be the gentle one, Jim will be the picker, and I'll be the one who leads it all.... You'd be proud I'm taking the lead in directing everyone of where they should be and what they should do!
And me... oh Daddy, how many times I've wanted to call you and tell you so many things. I've wanted to tell you about things going on in my life that I needed to just hear "don't worry about that"... I'll have to say this year was one of the hardest... sending KB off to college was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life... but I made it through it... I think I thought to myself she had wonderful angels surrounding her and found comfort in that. I also knew you would be telling me to quit worrying about her because she would be fine. I can also thank Mark for reminding me of you weekly because he loves to still play "That would be a bad way to die" game.
I'm glad you don't hurt anymore, I'm glad you are healed, and I'm glad you don't have the earthly things to worry about... not that you ever really did. Maybe I'm not supposed to, but I can't be too sad because I know death is a part of life. I know that I can't control it. I know that life has to go on... This week as I celebrate Father's Day... I'm choosing to be happy and joyful for the little pieces of you that are left behind. I'm thankful for every little reminder... every single day of you. Happy two years of being free from the earthly mess and Happy Father's Day week!
