When I was pregnant with Katie Britt, all I could do was to pray for her to get here safely and I wouldn't have to worry anymore. Somewhere along the way to parenthood, I never got the message that after the birth is where the worrying really begins. It was the same with Ben. From the day I held them in my arms, I knew they were gifts... and I would constantly worry about every aspect of their life.
This week I attended the funeral of my forty-four year old cousin who lost her battle with Lupus. As I stood looking at the hundreds of people gathered to honor her, I was in awe that she touched that many people in her short lived life. As I listened to the preacher discuss how her life had been such a struggle... she had a baby die of SIDS, she had arthritis, and she had Lupus on top of her mama having cancer... How did she have the will to live? Each person who knew Karen discussed how she was a fighter. The preacher talked about her and witnessing to everyone she could in the hospital. After the graveside service was over, her mama told me that Karen had planned her own funeral. I have thought a lot about that the past few days. I find comfort in knowing that she was at peace and confident that she would enter Heaven's gates, but I also know that as she looked in her son's eyes she couldn't help but be angry she would miss important events in his life. And then I thought about myself... I thought about how great it was for her son to hear how much his mama loved Jesus, how she fought to live, and how everyone in that building knew she was healed in Heaven now. What greater gift could there be?
Tonight I am still teary-eyed from thinking of the past few months events in Ben's life. At the beginning of the summer, a sweet, newly-engaged couple walked the aisle of our church to join. As soon as Ben saw this young man who he had admired and looked up to while he played football... he turned to me and said, "Mama, I want to do that!". I was so surprised and shocked because we had never really discussed any of this with Ben except through casual conversation. I left for a conference the next day and got a text that week from Mark that told me Ben had prayed for Jesus to come into his heart. The next week, Ben and Mark went to visit the preacher. After discussing things with them, he suggested that we talk with Ben some more and come back when he was a little more sure of the real reason for joining.
Throughout the summer, Ben has been a witness to many things that involve him asking more and more questions and seeing the importance of being a part of the church. At the very last minute, he was able to attend a football camp at Clemson. He left the house planning on playing football all weekend, and actually heard from some former players and coaches who gave their testimony. His eyes lit up when told me of the stories. Katie Britt attended River of Life this year and Ben went the last morning for the final service. The music was great and the song "Child of the One True King" was played. The goose bumps, the clapping, and the spirit were all over him. I fought hard that day to hold back the tears because I could see him changing. Mark and I both told him when he was ready to walk down he could go. We both agreed we didn't want to make him walk down... it needed to be his decision. For the past three weeks of church he has struggled, gotten as close to me as he could, and wanted so badly to walk down the aisle. I bought a book at the drugstore a few weeks ago that he and Mark have been reading every night. This past week there was a prayer about courage. We need to have courage to do things when we are afraid.
This morning Ben had courage. He took that step out and walked down the aisle. The emotions can't be described how special that moment was and that I was there to witness it. What greater gift can he give me than to know he has asked Jesus in his heart. To hear his side of the story is precious... I wish I could videotape him. He told me he was "bout to cry when they voted him in"... he got to shake everyone's hand and got more hugs and kisses than a newborn baby!
There were so many people there today that have touched my life, his life, our entire family's life. We shook their hands, but I also couldn't help but think of those that weren't there who would be so proud of him today. Mark's grandmother's sister, who doesn't come to our church, was there... I think she represented Mawmaw today... One of my cousins who looks just like my great-granddaddy was there... I know Boo-ma would have been so proud of him and given him a little bag of candy in a brown paper bag... I know Granny was looking down saying "He had the BEST time at church today"... Ben has made some special relationships with others that were there as well... His favorite golfers from my golf team, our next door neighbor who told him he made him cry, and a sweet little boy who told him "Ben, what you did took a lot of courage and I don't think I will ever be able to do it".... From old to young, these people are his foundation... they are the ones he looks up to..they are the ones he will look to for guidance... what a blessing to be a part of those believers...
Ben~ One day you will look back and read this and I want you to know that you can play football for Clemson, be President of the United States, own your on grass-cutting business, be a policeman, or a doctor...and I am more proud of your decision to ask Jesus in your heart than anything else! Your decision will guide you throughout the rest of your life... if you stay focused on that...you can do anything! I love you Benny-Boo-Boo.... my heart is full, my eyes are teary, and you have given me such joy today!
I have always heard that life goes full-circle... and life goes on.... My prayer tonight is Ben's heart will be like Karen's... I want him to be a fighter, an influence to others, and to make his mark on the world in all that he does...
Signed,
Proud Mama
